"I had said that it was "very annoying" when my W said that it was hard to hurt someone that she cared about so much. Let me amend that. It was actually much more than very annoying. I felt a white-hot flash of anger (which I quickkly suppressed, and said nothing about). I cannot begin to count all of the many times over these last few months when she has said or done things that hurt me so much. "
I can relate. My H has said on more than one occasion, how he feels bad for pushing away the people he cares about the most. This statement was made originally the first time he told me that he had ended the A with OW and that she was really hurt by this. He lumped me in with her. So each time that he says that, I feel the knife plunging a little deeper.
The last time that happened, I just looked at him and thought, "how insensitive" and a moment later he seemed to awaken to this subtle but hurtful slap to my face. He quickly followed up with, "I've pushed you away for years, and I'm sorry for that".
I hope that your W awakens before you have to hear those painful words again. Until then, I think that you are handling it right by not responding. It's as though our Ses have a blind spot and we are standing in it. As their vision shifts, perhaps they will become more aware of the hurt they are causing by saying things like that.
