Trixi trying to find moorage

[Dom R]

Hey Trix,

retrouville is not the only option out there.
and as I said previously.. I dont even think it would neccessarily be the best for YOUR specific situation anyways.
Maybe you should start looking around for other "marriage in crisis" weekends. Maybe you'll find one that's even more appropriate for your specific situation.

as far as your "hold on vs let go" dillemma, my thoughts are thus:

There are at least THREE options for you, not two.
The choice isnt only between "beg, or let go".

At this point, you certainly have the option, of drawing a line in the sand, of "look you bastard, you cheated on me; that's NOT ok, and I'm NOT waiting around until you do it again, so make up your damn mind: grow up NOW, or i'm dumping your ass!"

I'm going to skip "begging", as I dont really see that as an option, though.

And then there's the "hold on" option. Which has a few varients.
(One of which is the, "get a life, and slowly start building an existance for yourself, that includes your H less and less")
The "hold on" options takes a lot of patience on your part, as you well know by now. And commitment. and all that.

It is "common" for people to give themselves a deadline for all this. for "hanging on". The thing is, the best way to actually END the deadline, according to the MC's that I've read on, usually finishes with the "ok i'm sick of waiting, grow up now or i'm dumping your sorry ass". So in some sense, its probably a matter of, are you going to confront him NOW, or confront him LATER
?

As far as commitment, and vows... I think that part, makes it so that you at least owe him to come to that point of confrontation.

If you think that at some point, you just wont give a damn if he decides to turn around, you're going to just "let him go" in [X months].... then decide that you will confront him sooner than that. while you still care.

In a lot of cases, i've read that a marriage ends, because the LBS gets sick of waiting and moves on to a decent relationship. Then the leaving spouse gets shut out.
So that's why the "confront him while you still care" caution.

Additional thought: In the examples of people you cited yourself... count to yourself how many of those people, actually got to the "ok goodbye i'm sick of waiting" confrontation.

yes, you risk the "I dont want to" possibility. yet there's also a risk to the "wait until your love runs out" aspect as well.
"ya rolls the dice, ya takes ya chances", either way it seems.

Gads, this was another long one from me... lol.
I think in your H's case, though..., that barring an "Act of God", you will be still sitting here in the same place another year from now, if you dont draw the line with your H.

----
In a personal note about ME... I just got a note from my lawyer, that the ongoing "OSC" motion about money, has been postponed from august, to october. So, I guess that's a sign that my wife isnt QUITE ready to push for finalization of divorce now that she pretty much has her payout money in hand.
I think.
Always difficult to tell with her. Irritating that she didnt keep her word and just dismiss it completely, though. She got the amount she wanted... she was supposed to dismiss the OSC. grrr.
waste of time and money.