fighting to save my marriage

[grant]

Hi LolaL,
Thanks so much for your words of encouragement. I am, I think, a spiritual person, and try every day to get strength and wisdom from God. Part of my problem is that over the years, I think I lost contact with that spiritual connection. It's stupid how so often, life just gets in the way. my biggest dilemma at the moment, is to know just how to second guess what her "needs" might really be from me at the moment. Bearing in mind that I think she is making plans to be with OP eventually (tho she says she doen't want to be with anyone at the moment), I have to carefully listen to what she is saying, and then think........ believe none of what she says and half of what she does. She hasn't overtly mentioned divorce, but it seems like that is where she's heading with talk of legal advice, financial assets etc. I have, I think been more patient than most men about her ongoing relationship with OP, and don't think I've pressured her too much until I had to confront her when I discovered she'd been phoning and texting this guy all through our separation. I guess this made it even harder for me to confront my sexual issues, knowing that there was another factoer involved. Don't misunderstand me, I am utterly convinced that it is largely down to my sexual issues, and my time spent working away from home, that has lead her to firmly believe that I did not love or "cherish" her. Another foolish thing that I did was to consult a psychic, who was startlingly accurate about my sitch, and predicted that I had no hope, would be divorced, and that my beautiful girl would be with this OP. They have a strong previous connection, as when they were both 16, she became pregnant with his child. She had a termination, and I dont think has ever recovered from the grief or resentment. He is now desperate to prove to her, that he is a good man, a family man, and was not the person she always thought him to be.
Perhaps none of this is relevant, as I know from now on, whatever happens, this has to start with me, GAL is soooooo hard, when all I've ever done is work to provide for my family. I'm in the music industry and it too is a "mistress" that has competed for my attention. I am trying so hard to push through the pain, and believe that she and my family are so so worth it all. But I fear so much for the future without them, and the woman who I have loved so deeply for so long. I understand and validate her feelings of unhappiness, but I just wish... God I pray every day, that I can somehow make amends and draw her back to me, by being the man that she fell in love with. Not that depressed, needy, desperate tormented soul that I seem to have become. Thanks so much to anyone who can reply with thoughts or advice for me. It means so much.