LL, dcr, Jeannine, talitsa, Kim, KAW, SB, and tbone,
Wow, what a great welcome. Thanks. I've read most of all of your various threads (well, maybe not all of LL's, I'd have to quit my job just to have enough time! LOL).
Only one day into Piecing and there was another big development last night. 1st, some more background. During Confrontation #3 last Thursday, we argued briefly over the amount of time that she should have before ending all contact with the OG. I, of course, wanted it to end cold turkey, and she wanted until the 28th (the day before Vegas). I argued that only ending it on the 28th would cast a pall on the trip, with both of us not being able to help but think of the fact that she had only ended it the day before. Ultimately, I had agreed on the 27th (is negotiating this sort of thing freakin nuts, or what?), but I was clear that I thought it would be much better if she ended it sooner.
Anyway, on Friday, I had gone on a long-planned guys-only golf trip to Palm Springs for the weekend. Before I left, I left a card for my W to find in her car which basically said that we are going through some difficult times, but that I love her and need her to help us through this. It was a store-bought card which happended to have just the right words (I rarely buy cards with much prose in them; they almost never say quite what I want to say), and I added some thoughts of my own. She called after she read the card (my cellphone coincidentally rang just as my BIL was in his backswing - perfect timing) and said how much she appreciated the card, and I could really hear it in her voice. When I got back Sunday evening, however, though she was very affectionate and sweet, I could somehow detect a little distance.
Yesterday evening, she was again very affectionate and sweet. Big long hugs. We've been hugging a lot more lately, but these hugs were, I don't know how to put it...somehow a little more intense and at the same time somewhat sad or distant. I don't know what made me think that exactly (how do you get all that just out of a hug), but I didn't question it.
Later, I started to initiate sex, but she just wanted me to hold her. Which would have been fine, except that I still had the sense that something was up. So I asked if anything was wrong. She said "well, earlier today I did what you wanted". She had met the OG for a final goodbye at some park (she didn't say where, I got the impression it was a place that they had met previously), and said that she had closed the "secret" cellphone account and gotten rid of the phone. In my worst DBing fashion, I asked whether she had kissed him or told him that she loved him (no, and no, she said). She started to tear up a little, and said that she was feeling sad and just needed a little time to get over this final goodbye, and said it mainly felt like she was losing a good friend. She also said that it was hard to hurt someone that she cared about so much (I guess he took the goodbye pretty hard.) The fact that she didn't want to hurt someone she cared about was very annoying to me - she hasn't much cared how much pain she's put me through these last few months - but I just let it go. I then asked whether she felt like she had had to fake it with me these last couple of days, with all the affection she had shown. She said no, absolutely not, if she had been faking, she would have just had sex and said nothing. She then said that she has been wanting to spend more time with me and has been feeling better about us than she had in years (she stressed the word "years"). She then hugged me very tight, and we basically just fell asleep after that.
While I wish she had no sadness about saying goodbye to the OG, that's probably unrealistic. But, the way she was and the things she said sounded real. My intuition, I think, has been honed over these last few months and I can almost instinctively tell when she is lying now. I think she was being very truthful last night. I think she truly intends that yesterday's goodbye is to be forever, and that she really does want our M to work. Of course, whether she follows through on never contacting him again remains to be seen; I'll continue to DB, hope, and pray. As she said herself, the better our M gets, the less she'll be thinking about him.
Another positive thing was that she ended it 4 days before our negotiated end date. She didn't say why and I didn't ask, but maybe she didn't think there was any point to dragging it out, or maybe she finally agreed with my reasoning and wanted to end it in time to be happy for the Vegas trip. I don't know, but I'm happy about it.
I really feel like a page has finally been turned. In the numerous times since D-day when she has told me that she would not see or contact the OG, I've always sort of known, or at least strongly suspected, that they were lies, or said half-heartedly. Yesterday felt like the truth. I feel like I can finally exhale.
We had coincidentally scheduled a night out tonight - a movie and then dinner - and I'm taking tomorrow off to spend with her and the kids. I know she's a little sad, but I'm going to make it fun, with no R talk. It's time for both of us to relax together. All of the recommitment issues will have to wait, for the moment.
Quoting shinybear:I CANNOT emphasize enough the inrediblr focus-shifting power of getting into the habit of listing 3 positives each day. (credit where due: LL ).
SB, let me 1st say that you wrote an awesome post, one that I'll be rereading several times and responding to more over the next few weeks. OK, today's positives are easy:
1. My W said her final goodbye to the OG yesterday. 2. The "secret" cellphone is gone. 3. It's date night tonight, and I'll be sleeping in tomorrow, and spending the day with my W and kids.
I may never have 3 positives this positive ever again!
). 
