I wish there were easier answers to all of your questions. The simple fact is that nothing is ever for certain in anything. I wanted guarantees as much as you but they do not exist. How I survived was to focus on what was working in the M and thrive on that. Her contact w/OG will probably continue until she is very comfortable with the M. I was watching some show about affiars and Dick Clark said he didn't stop cheating on his W until they were "best friends". I thought that comment spoke volumes about infidelity.
My W never confessed to anything nor do I have proof of a PA, all I had was electronic evidence that she was trying to meet people and statements from her after the fact that she was "done" with the M. I "busted" her several times and was constantly asking her questions that I already knew the answers to. It didn't stop anything. I went to see the best Atty in town and was just days from throwing her out when she had her epiphany. Either she is phsychic or someone tipped her off. Your W is acting very similar to mine and others on this board. You have a few things to do: Love, Forgive, Trust, Respect. However what she has done will make all of these a challenge. Realizing that these things are a choice is huge. Making this R work is a choice. Both your choice and her choice. Ready for the next challenge? What happens when you struggle to do all of these things like I am? What happens when just one year after thinking that you couldn't live without them you aren't sure you want them anymore? You can question her loyalty because of her behavior but you are just as prone to be a WAS later. Nothing is guaranteed.
The point is the past is done and she may never regret her actions like you think she should. You have a family to keep together, children to be an example to and a W that you said "for better or for worse" to. Focus on your M and W and when those "thoughts and flashbacks" occur stomp them immediately. I mean as soon as they show up, change gears, runa away from them, make them stop. They can chew you up if you don't. That is what is causing me grief occasionally.
You have good communication and contact right now. Use Vegas to start new and never take your M for granted again. Life will be good for you when you Love, Forgive, Trust Respect.
