Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
well she called today at 8 in the morning. she wanted to know if she could come over today and grabe our kitchen table for her new place, oh and also her pots and pans she left behind 8 F"in months ago! I sked her about last night and she said " Oh ya i just kind of got wraped up in unpacking and i didnt call." So now she wants to come over SAT ( a day thats conveniant for her) to get her stuff,. I work SAT. she woke me up so I agreed but i AM going to cal her back and tell her my next dasy off is next wensday, and THATS when she can come over. there is no ecuse for always putting ME out to make it EASY on her.
wow
o and she wraps up the conversation by saying she dosent look to pretty right now. she says she was running at someone to give thanm a hug, they both slipped and she went skidding across a rug, getting rug burn on her FACE. as a cop I can smell SH!T when i hear it and I just dont buy it. just seems like a weird story.
Marcum, I'm mad at your wife too. She really has no respect for you or your feelings right now. Which, sad enough, is typical for the WAS. Remember they are living in a fantasy world. Everything is roses and sunshine for them. The reality though is the roses are going to wilt and the sunshine will burn them.
Have you made her start paying for her car yet? I think it's high-time for that to happen.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
no, that will finaly get brought up when i see her. I went out today and didnt call her but I will be taking care of that tommorow for sure. I wanted to calm down. in her mind its rational to need stuff now that she has moved to a new place. I think i know a way to bring up the truck without being to weire as well. my car is a 95, and i need a new one before winter. I will simply state I cant have two car loans on my credit so either I take the 07 and take over all the payments or she needs to put it in her name so I can get a new loan.
I don't think that clearly states that she is to take over the payments. She may agree to put it in her name (even thinking she's doing you a favor so you can get another loan), but assume that things will go status quo with you making the payments.
It's a NICE way of doing it, but my thinking is that she needs to come back to reality that you are no longer taking care of her at HER decision. This shouldn't be easy for her. Perhaps whoever she was running to hug (which she made sure you knew about) can buy her a car.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
Yep. DBing doesn't mean being a doormat. You can say it nicely and respectfully, but I think it's totally fine to expect that she(the one choosing to leave) can pay her own car loan, so you can get one. TOTALLY reasonable.
Chris
__________ Me:39 H:39 D:8 D:4 M:9 (T 13) Bomb 4-5-08, H moved out 6-16-08, Reconciled and H moved back in 5-31-09 Still doing GREAT a year later!!!
I haven't read a lot of your sitch but I've been following when I can.
I'm a very blunt, honest person so here goes... I think you're being too nice. I can't believe she wanted the kitchen table. I don't buy the face/hug story either and I'm no cop. It spells abuse to me and I'd be concerned with whom she's gotten invloved with.
I agree with bug...I think she'd be willing to put the car in her name but not to help you as much as helping herself. You will need to transfer the loan to her also.
I think tough love would work best for you right now. The nicer you are the more she'll walk all over you.
I say all this as a person who wouldn't want someone as nice as you to get hurt. Please keep your guard up...which doesn't mean you can't love her.
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
the face thing throws me because she is claiming I"M a abuser because I grabbed her wrist once and left a bruse. now I have seen her out with her " NEW" friends and the one guy took a fake swing at her because she busted him in a lye. they were all laughing about this but it just didnt seem right to me that shes takeing this. her personality is a 180 from the woman I have known for 8 years.
now dont take me wrong I did yell and i was selfish a lot in out marrage. I take credit for this and i am trying every day to show a diffrent side. but she has this huge sence of entitelment right now that bordeds on a insane. In a way i am scared for her comming over because i fear how she will take the fact that i feel she is just as abuseive to me now as I was to her a year ago. the only differance is I didnt realise because she never talked to me ( I know poor ecxuse. but if I knew then what i know now i feel we would stull be together). but even after we fought i would try to make it better by cuddeling or at least talkeing about it. she is abuseive and selfishe and wont even talke to me after. and is in a huge sence of denile that ANY of her actions could be wrong.
