Not sure why I've waited so long to come here

[LolaL]

I guess, but you know, Karma is a b1tch.

[ms ladybug]

Welcome over here Snow White. It always seems funny to welcome people over here, because it's not a place where anyone wants to be. What I mean is that we understand. Vent, cry, scream and share with others who understand.

Just to understand better, what is it you want? Do you want your husband home? Marriage counseling?

[Snow White]

Welcome over here Snow White. It always seems funny to welcome people over here, because it's not a place where anyone wants to be. What I mean is that we understand. Vent, cry, scream and share with others who understand.

Just to understand better, what is it you want? Do you want your husband home? Marriage counseling?

Hi Ms. Ladbug, I think you are one of my newest fb friends!

I am not sure what I want. I used to want him home. Now I want an end. One way or the other. He has been gone for almost 4 months but I discovered the A at the end of Dec and it was going on for a month that they will admit to prior to that but I would say that it was longer but I have no evidence. It has been almost 8 months that I have been in limbo. I need a change, wither move forward or back.

I do not think my H coming home now would work, he has in the last month(since I think he may have actually lost contact with ow)become very nasty with me, mostly accusing me of cheating on him, hiding things, being sneaky ect. I was "not allowed" to post on here but have decided to take back my life. If he needs to yell he can yell because things werne't getting any better just because I complied.

That is not to say I do not want him home, but I do want him to be the person he used to be before he gets here. Or at least some semblance of a decent human being. I love him. I want our family, but I do not want to be abused and I do not want to be the person of the moment because OW won't talk to him until the next one comes along.

There is a hitch in the whole thing though, DBing the whole GAL thing. It is really rough in my sitch. Everytime I do a GAL activity H goes haywire. It is a bad scene, again dramatically different from the person I used to know.

[Sara]

Snow,

Is your husband overdoing either drugs or alcohol. Personality changes such as you describe are often symptoms of drug or acohol addiction.

[Snow White]

Hi Sara, I think we have talked about alcohol together before, when I was on the infidelity board following the night of his birthday, it was the first time I had ever seen him so angry or violent.

He does drink more often now than I have ever seen him, often if I am out he will show up and sit on my step with a six pack. Not sure where he goes every night to keep himslef busy but I would not be suprised if it was a bar.

[LolaL]

I have a question...he shows up on your steps if you are out...how often?

[JenInVen]

Yeah I found that interesting too. He just sits there and drinks his beer waiting for you?

[Snow White]

Yes sometimes, or he comes into the house on goes through my computer, phone ect. I have been trying to stress the lack of respect he is showing me with these actions and his verbal assaults. I can say that the past 2 or 3 days have been an improvement. But I also decided to take a stand. I talked to him a couple of times and asked him to step back and listen. And I told him I have allowed him to become this person by not standing up for myself and I know this is not the person he would like to be. I took my computer with me when I left the house the last 2 days. Not because I have anything to hide but because of the disrespectful things he is doing.

[LolaL]

Have you thought about changing the locks?

It sounds like very controlling behavior to me. If he is not living in the house with you and the kids, why does he have access?

I know this is easier said than done, but trust me, he has to see that you are serious too. If you become strong, so does he.

[Snow White]

I did change the locks when I discovered that he wasn't really clearing his head and trying to find his way back to our marriage but living with OW, later that week he asked me to meet him at a restaurant/bar and he asked for another chance, he watched my daughter in our home a few days later and scooped a spare key. When it was evident he really didn't want another chance I asked for the keys back. He gave them back but I later learned he had cut more. When I was at the lawyer about the legal separation(which we do not have) she said I have no legal right to keep him out of the house if his name is on the title.