H had 3 year affair and I never knew!

[happycamper]

How would interest about his R with another woman is going to "help" what's left of your R?

There are two answers to that -

a) because at the moment he is still living here 60% of the time. I don't want him to lie to me or to do things behind my back. It's not so much interest in her, it's more interest in him in a new R. For example, he's going on holiday in October, the plan was for him to go alone. I wondered if that was still the case or would he be going with gf etc. It's preferable to hear some detail than awkwardness and lying.

b) because I'm trying so hard to maintain a friendship with him that I'm prepared to put myself through any amount of pain to keep him onside.

I'm worried that b is really the answer.

Am I finding it hard to let go, and instead of my marriage I'm subconsciously working towards an EA with H? Hmmm

How about telling him "H, it is extremely disrespectful and hurtful to hear you talk about this other woman, to see you communicate with her in front of me, no, I am not ok with you carrying on a R with someone else in what is still our home, I don't appreciate your behavior and I dont want to discuss this other person while you still live here."

Here's the conversation in my head...

- 'I can't say that!'

- 'Why not?'

- 'It would drive him away and he wouldn't like me.'


I always thought of H as the bright little star I had managed to catch, and was desperately trying to stop if wander away all the time. Still worrying about offending him, still want him to like me.

Sigh.