The Wifey - Still working.

[The Wifey]

Ok, even keel it is. He will pull back and I'm ready for it to happen. Especially when his friends comes back to work next week. I'm sure she'll try to arrange to have lunch with him. ARRRRRRRGH.

How is that for even?

[Virtually_Handsome]

((((((Kelly Jo))))))

You sound great! And what you are doing is working!

And, what Neil said!

We've got a four screen drive in here. It's the most fun way to see a movie! Actually, usually a double feature. It's in the process of being sold, and turned into another strip mall, or something, just what we need! I hope it falls through, it has before!

[The Wifey]

(((Jeff))) This is such a more appropriate name for you, Hunky. I love the drive in and it is always a double feature, although truth be told, sometimes I can't make the second movie. I'm getting old I guess and I need my beauty sleep. The drive in I really like has an entire set up with food, miniature golf, etc before the movie.

I'd love it if the double feature could be Bat Man and Dark Knight. I'd even take a nap so I could stay up for the second movie.

(((Neil)) Have you made it to facebook yet so I can see your picture? I feel bad calling Jeff hunky and not you. Of course, I can see you are a beautiful soul.

Do you guys feel the PMA?

[Virtually_Handsome]

The PMA is shining through, Kelly Jo!

Our drive in doesn't have mini golf, or fun like that. We take chairs, and a cooler, and sit behind the van with the back doors open, and the seat folded down. Sleepers can sleep, we have food, and drink, and two movies!

[Rob1231]

Hi Wifey,

I've read through your last couple of threads - seems like you are "getting it" to me.

A couple of questions:

Didn't run across any "recaps" of your sitch. (Maybe you could share one?) It sounds like your H is in The Magical Land of MLC - would you agree?

Your goals and working on PMA seem on target, but outside of getting out of the house to work on your tan, I haven't caught on to much that I would call Getting A Life. Do you have any GAL activities in the works? You really should, this is SO important!

Hang in there! (((KJ)))

[The Wifey]

Rob, I will try to get to post a recap. To GAL I do like to tan, and go camping and fishing. I hang with friends and like to spend time outside. Trust me, I am trying. I love to read, knit, and I'm well known for my baking, especially for my cookies.

H is definitely in MLC land, Rob. He would be the last to own the description, though. All he knows is that he is unhappy, feels unappreciated, used, taken advantage of and in pain. Yet he loves me, will always love me, we are connected forever.

C finds it interesting that as much as he needs space that he also has times that he pulls me to him. I try to be there when he needs me and I'm doing a bit better when he pulls away, but I have a ways to go on that.

I have a lot of hope that this will all work out and I am going to keep at it. I need to work more on the goals. That is the focus for the weekend, along with GAL.

[The Wifey]

Just journaling. Last night was fun with the s. We did the walk-through then talked with one of the guys he'll be living with. Then we ate at a sub place he likes.

Felt a little anxious as I drove home, but I just told myself to knock it off. Funny, I was ok when I walked in the door.

H was very tired and said he'd had a long day. He'd worked hard all day and was just dragging. I had brought him a cookie from the sub place and he kissed me to say thank you.

I kissed him back and he kissed me a few times. He was literally falling asleep sitting there, so I said why don't you go to bed? Instead he kind of napped on the couch a while. I finally woke him up at 9 and he headed back to the bedroom. I got another kiss goodnight. Still in separate bedrooms.

In the morning I again jumped in the shower with him. Got more sweet kisses and really enjoyed just feeling his arms around me. I kept thinking in my head that I have to stop telling him I love him and keep showing him.

After the shower when I was half dressed he asked if I would like to ml. I said that I would. It was so sweet and tender and passionate. Its been important to me that he initiated, so it was very special that he did. I hadn't planned this and that was what made it important. I know that a man doesn't ml and not feel a connection.

He rode his motorcycle to work, which means I need to plan for an activity after work, as he will most likely not be home until after dark tonight. That's all right. I can do this!

The message I wrote on the mirror this morning I found in a book with essays about love. (I really have to work at this - have difficulty sometimes coming up with my own.) I can't remember it exactly, but its about how people that never take a risk don't really understand the game. That people that succeed in love know that it means taking a risk. That there is more pain and emptiness in never taking the risk.

You know something? I just found all of the little notes I've been writing him. He's collected all of them in the trunk of his car. I thought he'd been throwing them away, but he kept them. I think that says something positive, don't you guys?

[Neilh23]

Kjo-
yes, it means something. He likes what you are doing...just don't overdo it!!!!

jealous because you got to ML.......grrr..LOL....good for you tho.

good quote....we are all taking a risk....and it looks like things are paying off for you.....

again, look how much different a PMA does for you? look at how drastically your attitude has changed in the last week or so....

good job!!!

[The Wifey]

(((Neil)))

I honestly can't believe the change myself. It really is easier to commit to DB when you see the very first positive. I also find it easier to rethink when I am getting anxious. The whole, will this get me closer to goal? thing seemed too difficult when I was upset.

I'm still hurting, but now I can see how controlling how I react and just showing love when I am around him makes a difference.

I actually think like I am romancing my husband and he is enjoying the romancing. If I can continue to give him his space at the same time I think things will continue to improve.

Sorry you are jealous, Neil.

Have you done anything romantic for your w lately? Bought her flowers or perfume? I don't know, just anything? What did you used to do when you were dating? Think back.

I'd actually like to ask everybody what you used to do when you were dating? The note thing I do dates back to when I would visit him in college. I would leave notes in every pocket he had before I left and he would find them after I left. (He went to college in another state.)

Now he finds them in his motorcycle jackets, his vest, etc. Just little one-sentence notes.

[Neilh23]

Have you done anything romantic for your w lately? Bought her flowers or perfume? I don't know, just anything?

i haven't done anything that extravagant because i'm afraid that probably would be viewed as pursuing/pressuring, etc. I have gotten her a coffee a couple of times lately. One of her LL's is gifts....so i've been keeping it simple....colored pictures from the kids....the coffee....trying to figure out what other small "gifts" would be.....

i'm glad you are starting to recognize the difference that a PMA can make. The other thing you should see is that when things go poorly or not like you expected (when you do have expectations, which is human to) is how quickly you come out of it and regain your PMA. We all struggle with it, but the better you come out of it, the better the next times will be.....

ya know?