Really upside down #2

[upside_downer]

UD,

You seem to want to get your W to open up. Honestly I wouldn't try to get to this goal....I would be willing to bet you two have discussed things more than either one of you would like to at this point.

Although I can't answer for her, yes, I think this is true. She just hates when I bring up anything that involves responsibility to the R. I even talked about the house, which had very little to do with her (albeit it had some), and she didn't like that either. So, for now, I'm just sticking to real light stuff. This is something I should have done a long time ago, but was fighting the feelings.

A more effective goal would be to create an atmosphere where your W feels comfortable to "hang-out" with you and let the actions speak for themeselves.

Good suggestion. I think I'll change my mind to consider her opening up to me through actions, not words.

I understand the respect part of feeling like she responds to correspondence at her leisure and you can't play by that rule. The truth is, as silly as it sounds your W doesn't respect and trust you. At some point you turned into an insecure person snoopiing on her and looking for OM in the closet.

This goes back to the "holier than thou" thought. I felt if she had nothing to hide, why was she hiding things from me (and she def. was, she admitted to it). At this point, I'm not going to worry about that. I still feel it is a give and take, but given the sitch, I'm going to just ignore it.

I have noticed in your threads that your bitterness seems to be subsiding a bit which is good...it will make it easier for you to be a good friend and make the chnages you need to make.

You noticed well. I'm trying very hard to let things just roll off my back and "let it go." It's actually not as hard as I thought it would be, which is nice.

You are steadily improving and I can almost guarantee that your W is noticing

I sure hope so. That talk the other night made me feel like I accomplished something!!! It may be a while between then and the next time, but I'm ok with that.

My best advice is be patient. A recurring theme you'll see on these boards is nothing is happening fast enough...

great advice, and I've taken it. I'm working as hard as I can to be patient, understanding, and relaxed. Seems to be working. When this thread locks, I'll be moving back to newcomers. I was there, but thought I belonged here.

I'm hoping she doesn't cancel on me for Saturday, too. We'll see. If she does, I will take it in stride. One step at a time!!!!