The Longest Journey

[SDFoundGirl]

Well, folks, I'm back and it was all around a great trip. Perfect? Nope, but I had a great time overall.

First, my mother behaved herself, and that visit was pretty good. I got to see my brother, his wife, and my niece as well as my grandmother who, I swear, is tougher than all of us on this board put together. Eighty-six and still driving well, mentally there, very mobile even after she fell and broke her leg and told she'd probably not walk again...which she is. I'm so happy I have those genes in my biology!

My friend's wedding was bittersweet. It was great to see her, but the man she married is abusive. The girl is looking for someone to rescue her, and she is willing to eat sh!t to be married. I met him for the first time the night before they got married, and his response to, "I've heard a lot about you," was, "About my giant penis?" Yeah. Man in his 30s with two kids. But I've learned that we all make choices and have our lessons to learn...and my role is to just love and support my friend as much as possible. I hope that it's not as bad as our friends tell me it is...

Rocky Mountain National Park was AMAZING. We hiked everyday, including one that was about 2-miles straight up. The payoff was wonderful--a magical little lake and views of the mountains that were unbelievable. I'm actually pretty proud that I did that and didn't give up! It felt good to push myself physically...it reminded me I need to challenge myself more.

As for H and I...overall it went smoothly. We had one big blowup where I had finally had it from him. What we both realized is that he doesn't "hear" me when I'm quietly, politely asking for what I want/need. So, after 15 times of dealing with the same response from him, I get so frustrated that I have to go thermonuclear. That's the only way he hears me, and then he goes all martyr/victim on me and calls me mean.

We sat down and talked about this, and I pointed out all the times I'd asked him to please be careful w/my computer at the airport, and he'd laughed at me and said he had it secure, etc. Mind you, my H is a self-proclaimed clutz and a whole lotta ADD and doesn't do well in busy situations with his attention. He kept balancing my computer on top of the suitcase and then whipping around with his backpack...I had to rescue the poor thing a few times. I even offered to carry it, and he refused. What finally set me off in the end was when he was so in his own world that he was blocking the trail and people were basically crawling up my back trying to get by. I just said, "Hon..." and he turned around and snapped, "Hon WHAT?"

Well, I'd had it. I *quietly* told him that the way he'd spoken to me wasn't okay. We didn't talk much for the rest of the hike. When we got back to the inn, again, quietly, I told him how angry I was and how I didn't accept that sort of treatment from anybody. He has this habit of seeing something shiny on the road and then interrupting me while I'm talking...or just interrupting or not listening too. So all of these things came tumbling out as I explained my frustration.

BTW, in the middle of this he told me there was nothing wrong with interrupting people while they talked. I told him MOST people on this planet find that rude, as did I.

He has a hard time EVER admitting he is wrong. Ever. It drives me nuts sometimes.

But, we took some time to cool off, and he did apologize. I told him that I know he doesn't like it when I get that frustrated, but when I try to do things calmly and talk to him about it, he either doesn't hear me or take me seriously. I think it was an eye opener for him. The rest of the trip he honestly tried really hard, and he even told me once, "Right now I can't listen to you because there's too much going on on the road--I need to pay attention so I don't kill us." I thanked him for that; articulating his needs and even knowing what he needs is something I want more of.

Now...I will get a 2x4 for this, and I'm kind of okay with that. But I still check H's phone. There's a big part of me that suspects he deletes any calls to or from her...but I have been assuming goodwill. Anyway, I checked his texts this morning, and I saw he'd sent LW a picture he'd taken of a stream we visited in Colorado. Now, he sent it to his stepfather as well, but....well, it violates the no contact beyond work boundary. I KNOW I did this to myself...and I know that I shouldn't do it...and I know it doesn't necessarily mean anything. And what could I do, anyway, without telling him I snooped?

Bah. I think probably he really does think of her as just a friend, but I also think he is still hiding more contact with her than he knows I'm comfortable with. Sort of a, "If she doesn't know, it's okay," approach.

So I'm chewing on that right now, but still enjoying my amazing trip. I need more of that in my life--physical and mental challenges...sort of a GAL on mild steroids!

Go ahead. Commence with the beating. Some habits die hard....