You've seen a chink in her armor and that is a very good thing. Absolutely be thankful.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
Ian - Thx - He is truly an amazing kid. He is a CIT at the camp and last night I just sat back and watched how much the younger kids really like him and cling to him. I was so proud. I heard his name called out constantly while I was there.
Thanks for stopping in -You are SO right - I will definitely try harder to let the spew role off. You would think i would know better by now.
M 43 W 44 M 17 T 22 S16,12,9 Bomb 2/05/08 I served her 1/06/09 S'd 3/15/09 D'd 12/21/09
"Tough times don't last, tough people do." --My Dad to me years ago, me to my boys now.
I did actually hug her twice this morning. She was crying a lot and just looked so desperate - so I grabbed her and hugged her and rubbed her back. I couldn't help it.
mule, I had read Smartcookie on one thread somewhere say that whenever she cries, hold her tight. whether is in a situation like you were having or at a movie or whenever. just hold her, show her your strength.
Now i'm sorry I dont know your entire sitch, i've been thread-surfing today, so some of the others who know you better may correct me.
best of luck to you. this place is so full of wonderful people
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
Agree with Ken. Don't get into the mindset that things like hugs or ILYs aren't permissible. Everything that works is permissible. The hug was a totally appropriate approach to a woman that was emotional. So is showing empathy. Try to keep in mind that you are validating and empathizing, so don't go all Mr. Fix-it on her.
Personally, I did get a kick out of her being mad at YOUR family that they aren't calling and showing concern. So, they are also supposed to be mind-readers?
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
Hey Ken - Thanks for stopping in here - I caught up on your sitch yesterday. You are so right about the people in this place. Kind of amazing that they all have spouses running. Pretty scary.
Anyway - great advice on the hugging. I will keep it up. Since she told me on Monday how she wants separate again, I feel like we have gotten closer again, except this time it feels a little more real. It seems she is really trying with the kids.
We get along fine, but it's hard because when I get closer to her like this, I want more - so it's a mental battle to back down. Fortunately I'm getting smarter about that.
M 43 W 44 M 17 T 22 S16,12,9 Bomb 2/05/08 I served her 1/06/09 S'd 3/15/09 D'd 12/21/09
"Tough times don't last, tough people do." --My Dad to me years ago, me to my boys now.
Thanks Phoenix - Great advice, because I honestly did have that mindset and I think now it was definitely the wrong thing and may have led to her feeling so weird around me. I'm really conscious of the Mr Fix-it (you well know that was a big problem of mine!), so I really try not to.
The thing about my family is mind boggling. She has alienated so many people that even her OWN family doesn't feel comfortable calling her, so how can she expect mine to?? Honestly, it's been hard for me personally because my family is upset at her, and I really don't want to hear that. She's my W and I love her forever and if you are truly my family, you need to support me fully on that or just back off completely. In reading some other threads, it seems that many people go through the same thing. Just another on a long list that keeps our minds on this 24/7.
M 43 W 44 M 17 T 22 S16,12,9 Bomb 2/05/08 I served her 1/06/09 S'd 3/15/09 D'd 12/21/09
"Tough times don't last, tough people do." --My Dad to me years ago, me to my boys now.
Holding her when she needs to be held is a good thing. Just learn to read her. When she needs holding be there and back off if she doesn't. I know, harder to back away than to hold.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
You're so right about that. When she was sobbing two days ago, it was an easy read. Yesterday her eyes were just tearing up so I just rubbed her back. I was actually conflicted in what to do. It would be easier if we were still intimate - but now at times I feel like such a stranger.
I miss being intimate with her so much - I don't necessarily mean ML - although that is part of it - I miss laying on the couch behind her watching TV stroking her hair - I miss laying on the bed with her after being tired and just holding each other while we both napped - although she was the one who always fell asleep - I just liked being there with her. I miss rubbing her legs while we watched TV and would eventually end up giving her a full body massage.
I keep praying that I get back to that point with her.
M 43 W 44 M 17 T 22 S16,12,9 Bomb 2/05/08 I served her 1/06/09 S'd 3/15/09 D'd 12/21/09
"Tough times don't last, tough people do." --My Dad to me years ago, me to my boys now.
You have to believe you will get back to that point. You have to see her as the conflicted scared person she is right now. She is scared and hurt and looking at you. She is needing you but thinks she has to pull away to protect herself from more hurt.
Be the strong person she can lean toward if not on. Work hard to GAL, keep a PMA. Be the one she can't be without.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
