Yes it is really strange how they do things to make themselves feel better. It is a long, long road for those that leave and take this path. The problem is many of our spouses don't want to do that much work b/c it is so difficult, painful, and in some ways embarrassing for them. They've done so much work trying to make us all out to be awful people, that when they begin to have 2nd thoughts, they become afraid of what "others will think of them" so they won't try.
It just doesn't have to be that way and it is frustrating that they don't see it like that. We are the ones best equipped to help our partners, but they are all wrapped up in what others think about them that they won't look at what they really want and go for it. I could care less if my W's family ends up hating me for the rest of their lives. I don't see them much anyway so why would I care. I married their daughter, not them.
Oh, well, it is difficult to comprehend and frustrating as well.
