Jack, I am doing well. Things are also going well with my H. I guess I am looking for any advice of what piecing has been like for you and what I might be expecting in the future. My H still seems to be in his crisis, but he wants to also be with me, and I am just torn all the time. I have little courage to say what I usually am thinking, so I dont push my H away.
What are some obstacles you have had to get through in peicng. What has this year back with your wife been like. How did you not go nuts while living apart from her for the year you were reconnecting? Do you trust your wife again? I just want to learn any thing I can, becuase even though I am happy with my H, I still have all these crazy emotions and thoughts filled with fear. TIPPER
It really really sucks. It is hard not to check yourself, here you are thinking you're going to get the big apology, the big pay off, "I was soooo wrong!" nope. Everything seems to be going so well you just want rush everything, have everything be great...right...now!
That's not how it happens.
Familiar with patience?
You think you are.
You're not, not yet.
My wife is still in MLC, but its not the Hurricane it was. She isn't looking to an OM for that aspect of her MLC, she is still dealing with issues, but she is working through them with me. It is more like a rainstorm right now.
I was there for her, a comfortable spot, as long as she lived within my boundaries.
Tip, you have to say what you are thinking, there is no place for doormats in piecing, you will resent him. What you need is tact. And the best deffinition of tact is being able to tell someone to go to hell and have them look forward to the trip. You can get your point across and your needs but in a nice way.
Obstacles? Trust. Personal Space, learning to live together again. The last year has been hard, but it is worth it looking back. Getting back our love for each other, hers and mine, respect and trust. All earned and all earned slowly.
How did I not go nuts?
Really?
Birds.
If you love something let it go.
I didn't need her. For awhile I didn't even want her. I didn't want to do this. I am not egotiscial, but niether am I lacking in self confidence. I'm not a bad catch, and while I would hurt, I would still live, and I knew I would love someone else again, and I have learned lessons, I knew I would improve, and not fall into the same mistakes.
I still know these things.
She knows I know them, and we work together to be married and respect each other.
Do I trust my wife.
Yes. I trust in her strengths and weaknesses. I trust her not to do this again. I trust myself not to go through this again either.
Fear?
Yes. Once you get good at whatever you want to call it, standing, waiting, dettaching...whatever, you have armor. You have resolve and conviction.
Letting someone back into your heart, who you know has the capacity and ability to hurt you, who has already done so...you'd be an idiot not to fear the hurt.
But you have to, otherwise you aren't going to trust them, you won't allow them to rebuild the trust you need to be married again.
Trust,
is
slowly
built
up
again.
You have to want to, and you have to do it slowly. Or you are a fool.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Jack- Thanks for posting that. You were able to express a lot of the feelings I'm having now in my piecing journey. I'm sure others will also find it helpful.
