Who Should We Be Helping

[Not Much Left]

PDT
I wanted to post my sitch to you after a recommendation from Warm & Sunny and would love some advice.

I had been on the boards for a long time, April 07 - roughly March of this year.

Quick recap of me...
Me 45
W 38
M 14 yrs
4 kids, 6,8,10,12
S 3.07
Separated 3 times before that, basically every 2 yrs for the last 6 yrs.
D Papers filed by her 11.07
She has asked me for an agreement before going to lawyers since we had an intitial talk 2.08....first sign of any emotion from her when I went over all the numbers.
SHe has never worked in our M and for past 2+yrs had a full time maid. Maid is now down to 2 days per week vs. my objection to not having her at all.
No affairs, just a lot of yelling on my part.
W is VERY closed off, does not initiate conversations about herself, never has and the only real initiation of anything were when she asked me out originally and the 4 times she asked me to leave.
I have been out of the house (but there a lot over the past year+ and recently purchased my own house nearby wherein she agreed to sign the docs to allow me to do so.

We have not had sex since this all happened, the preverbial "switch" was flipped. However, when I spent time at night there putting kids to bed, we usually watched some TV together and ended almost every night w/ back rubs? Now that has stopped as I have my own place.

THis woman, who basically did nohting to help me around the house when I was there, is now, predictably "superwoman" doing everything and working out every day.

Her big issue with me was "he controls me...he wants to control who my friends are and what I wear" Well, not true as I never deliberately said no to anything,just made comments that I did not approve of certain things. SHe is a VERY attractive woman so you get the picture.

So, I would still like things to work out, yet I am at a loss to figure out what to do next. Other than moving into my own house and now having the kids, which I see is affecting her a bit, and not having me there to "carry the anger" around for both of us, I dont know how I can "stop the bleeding" financially as she still spends whatever she wants and I am now paying for 2 houses and all her clothes and nights out.

Let me know what you think,again, you come highly recommended from W&S.

C