I agree with your number 2 - however, it is (IMO) ideal to O from a partner's tongue, hands, or if you are lucky, from intercourse. IDEAL being the operative word. Not imperative. Difference being, that yes of course a couple can have a grand old time if the woman only O's via vibe as long as the man involved is very Evolved and understands a woman's body enough to not feel insecure about the fact that his body is not giving her the O. Unfortunately for a lot of women, many men are not secure enough or educated enough to understand this.
Shelby's husband sounds like one of the second category, due to the fact that he feels some kind of failure due to her lack of orgams. So since the vibe thread was specifically for her, to her, I am telling HER specifically, that it will be best if she can train herself to have an O by other means as well as by vibe.
But in theory, I agree that lots of couples get along just fine where the woman only O's via vibe, and the man is happily participating.
I also agree that the pressure is mis-placed, however, this is Shelby's situation and she has to work with that pressure (sadly for her, because pressure of any kind tends to stop you from achieving orgasm!)
