I've been catching myself fussing over old stuff lately--dreams about H cheating, wondering how I compare to OW, almost wanting to ask...but knowing that I won't trust his answers.
I keep reminding myself that he's here, seems happy, and we're getting along just fine. No need to drag up old stuff and put him in a sitch where he'll either lie or tell the truth, but I won't really believe him regardless of his answer. Because I won't.
The hurt is mostly gone. I don't feel it when I think about these things, it's mostly curiosity and a desire to make sure I don't contribute to us ever going there again. And a need for reassurance. I guess that even though it doesn't hurt as much, there's still some fear left.
But I have learned that actions speak louder than words, that I have all the assurance I need. Just need to stop looking at the scary things and keep going forward.
