Really upside down #2

[upside_downer]

Just keep in mind that what she needs most out of you right now is to be a consistent friend. She needs to feel safe with you, regardless of what it's about.

This is what I am focusing all of my effort on now. I really hope she notices and opens up.

If you can throw the "You can come shower here" line at her and make it clear that it's a joke, great. Otherwise, again it sounds needy.

Yeah, I am a joker, so the good thing was, I was being myself and joking about it!

As for invitations, I agree completely with Neal when he says that you should not invite her to anything that you weren't planning to do otherwise. Now is not the time to be creating date scenario's for the two of you. I really believe that you have some trust building to do before you get to that point.

Dang. I was thinking a day together would be really good for us. Especially with my newly found ability to relax and let her talk, etc. I'm going to see how this weekend goes and play it by ear.

Realize by inquiring about OM and things like that (even disguising it by asking about others.....she sees right through that dude) you are making a self-fulfilling prophesy

Funny you said that. I've been told that my actions are doing this, as well. I just hope it's not too late and she isn't too far gone to turn this ship around. The OM thing is very difficult for me. This is pretty much the single most important thing that I need to be able to deal with because it is probably my weakest area.

You seem to be a bit self righteous about her actions with other people. From a moral standpoint you are absolutely correct

Again, funny you say that. I have come across "holier than thou" because I have lived very long with principles and when people don't do the right thing, I get very upset. It makes me a hypocrit because I'm not perfect, either, but the thing that has ALWAYS bothered me is that I admit my faults and TRY as hard as I can to correct them for a better R. People just give up too easily (in my opinion) on R's when there is a lack of understanding.

Going dark......even in some of the more recent posts I have seen you wield this like some weapon with vindictiveness in your tone

In a way, it is. I consider my time a treasure. I have felt that people take my presence for granted. Funny when THEY want me to be there, or NEED me to be there, it's ok for them to get offended when they can't reach me, but when I need or want someone, it's no big deal. That is annoying to me.

Also, just my opinion but return receipt on e-mail is very controlling

I agree. One step at a time. The "old me" would have called, left messages, etc. This was good enough for now just to see if she was at work without jumping through hoops to find out if she was. I needed to manage my expectations at least a little. When she didn't read the mail for an hour, I let it go because I know she reads the mail right away.

What do you think is going to happen?

If I meditate? Nothing. The reason I said I was scared to do it was I'm working on being consistent in other areas of my life (conversations, my mood, my ability to go to the gym even when I don't want to). At this point, I am comfortable managing the new things that I'm trying, and I don't want to try to do too much. If I were to meditate, I would want to gain something from it, but if my heart isn't in it because I'm just too busy to learn how to gain something from it, it's a waste of time.