Oh, my story is far from unique. Classic really. We were married for 10 years. I was busy with kids and not busy enough with him, KWIM? He felt neglected and found someone who paid more attention to him. He convinced himself things would be perfect with his new love and couldn't wait to get divorced so he could start his new life.
I read DB and about a thousand other books trying to work things out, figure things out, understand what had happened. Now, we're divorced, he's alone, and he's calling me to ask advice on how to work things out with his girlfriend.
I swear I should go into counseling. If my XH will call me to ask advice regarding his love life, I must have a knack. Funny, when I first started college, I was thinking of going into psychology. I thought all the instructors were nuts, so I switched to something more practical. I should have stuck with psych.
But, I guess if I'm such a great student of human nature, I shouldn't have such a hard time coming clean about my marital status. It just seems, like some of you have said, that EVERYONE is married. I don't like going to school functions alone. One of my kids is starting a new school this fall and I HATED going through orientation alone. I called XH and told him I was mad at him. (ha ha) He said, "go ahead, tell me, what did I do now?"
I guess, in some ways, it's nice to have it all negotiated and finalized. Nothing more to fight over. He got the visitation schedule he wanted, and I got the support I wanted. I think we get along pretty well now, better than we have for a long time. That's understandable though, I suppose. I even invited him to go camping with me and the kids, but he said his gf would not approve. She's no fun. ha ha. Maybe I should invite her too.
Except for my cyber buddies, I don't have any divorcd friends. I have unhappily married friends, I have happily married friends, but no divorced friends. Parents married 50 years. Brothers and sisters married. Does that make me the black sheep? If I can't tell which one of us it is, it must be me. he he.
I'll get over it, I know, with time, just like everything else. Just one of those things I guess. Just thinking of the next time I see her, my daughter's friend's mom. "Um, gee, i guess I should tell you that I'm divorced. I still have a hard time admiting it. Sorry if I was confusing the other day."
Rambling, I know. I should say good night.
Good night all
I'm not an expert, but I've been there. And I survived.
Thanks for sharing BeenThere. Your story does indeed sound like the classic WAS-MLC cases so prevalent on these forums. Appears as if he is somewhat of a mess in that he is having issues with his gf and sharing them with you! I am not sure how I would handle that one.
LWB,
Quote:
also don't want any wives I meet thinking I am prowling for their husbands. Make sense? I admit before this drama, I judged divorced women. Even more than divorced men.
I have read that as well. I find that hard to believe, but you never know. I do know that as a married couple my social calendar was booked out two months (we are both outgoing, love to entertain, and would travel to see friends or family). It is difficult being the third wheel, and, I guess people who are married do not want to fear being depressed around divorced people (I guess like some people may not know how to act around a recovering alcoholic at a drinking-related event).
Regarding the judging - I find this interesting, because I am sure that in the back of my mind I too judged divorced people in some manner. How do you think you judged divorced people, and why the wives more so than the husbands?
I realize that though I will soon be divorced, it is not something I even remotely desired, but, regarding being judged, who would know that?
Me: 48 Ex-W: 45 M: Nov '96, together since Oct 93 Bomb: on 10-yr anni - Nov '06 OM Separated: mid-Feb '07 Divorced mid-July '08 One daughter - 28 XW living w/OM
Between husbands? Yikes. I don't know if (and this is probably a good thing) I don't think I could ever go into marriage with the same feeling that it will be forever, til death do us part. I do like the sentiment though. I'm down but not out. I'll be back, better than ever. Been around the block and learned a few things. Bring it on.
But, maybe not just yet
I'm not an expert, but I've been there. And I survived.
Kimmie, I know I don't have anything to be ashamed of, but I just don't want to go into the details. I guess I'm afraid someone might ask about it, what happened, etc.
beenthere,
I would just think of something short and sweet... Many people prefer it that way. The following is an example:
I believed M was a lifetime commitment. My W did not.
Take Care,
NMD
"Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years. That is what makes a marriage last --more than passion or even sex!" - Simone Signoret
I guess another part of it is that I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me. I want to keep the answer light, but, at the same time, I don't want anyone to think that I take the situation lightly.
And like an idiot, I didn't just come out and say it right away, so I'm sure I'll sound really intelligent next time it comes up.
Thanks for all your responses
I'm not an expert, but I've been there. And I survived.
Wow! I really echo JMC. I tried everything I could to not become a "Wednesday, every other weekend father", but to no avail. What a horrible situation I hate admitting where I am heading, but my W. is the angriest, surliest, bitter woman I can imagine. I can't see it getting any better. I however, feel like the biggest loser, 50% of the population aside. maybe unfair, but it's how I feel. It's AWFUL!
It gets easier as the years go by. It's during the early times (first year) it's a little tough, usually trying to beat back the buzzards that try to swoop in once they know your single. Thereafter, not a big deal, in fact you'll meet some very nice people that have "been there, done that" as the saying goes and your automatically welcomed. What you do from there is up to you. As far as "the question" (the how come you are D), mine is straight forward matter of fact "Age 42 depressive menopausal midlife crisis". Typical response "Oh, THAT". I rarely have to explain more.
