Upside Your xh and oww are definite pieces of work and yes it probably is affecting you and the way you may percieve H I believe all negativity coming to me from outside definitely affects me try to ground yourself again take care of you make some affirmations cancelling everything H and Oww said it is not true so dont buy into it and what example did they set? that they so conveniently chose to not focus on? peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Hi peace- I am fine...had a bit of a scare. Took my S for a medical test yesterday and had an abnormal result. The doctor had me a bit freaked out. We spent all morning have test run on him...he seems to be fine (the doctor has one more test he would like to run). My S has a huge tournament (with college coaches there to recruit) this weekend and the doctor wasn't going to let him play unless the tests were run.
My H has been calling a lot. Haven't seen him really. Now he is off for the weekend for a bachelor party. I am growing a little weary of all of this. I am wanting him to really step up or forget it. I am going to bite my lip until C next week.
Upside I also hope s is ok good idea to bite lip till C session I know how hard it is and you have done very well just keep hoiling on a little longer and hopefully the miracle will happen for you just too close to let it slip away peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Good luck to your S in his tournament! I hope all tests turn out okay.
You are doing so well Upside, you really are. I know how hard it is, but you really can't make this move any faster for your H. Step back and detach. Not step back from him, but from his issues. Patience, patience, patience.
Nature Girl M 40 H 40 M 15, T 19 D11 S9 bomb 3/07 (MOW)
Hi Cinders, peace and NG- My S seems to be doing fine although they want to run one more test to be sure. The doctor had thoughts that my S could be one of these athletes that just drops dead out of the blue. We were pretty relieved to find out everything seems to be okay. He competed with his team over the last four days and they did extremely well. Yeah!
Now my H has me so confused. Maybe I am being paranoid but I sense that he is avoiding spending much time with me. He did drive an hour each way to go to a couple of my S's games...but we have no time together to work on anything. My H couldn't make it last week's C appointment. I cancelled this week's C because of my S's games. Today my H told me that I need to reschedule next's appointment. Grrr...I told my H that I don't want to be doing this a year from now...he agreed. I have gotten so frustrated, I even told him I just don't want to do this anymore and it is like he does hear me. We were supposed to meet for dinner tonight but he cancelled by text saying he was tired. He did call later and I asked him if he could sense my frustration. He said he did and was willing to talk. I asked him what makes him happy...he said he didn't really know and that it changes but he is trying to figure it out. I suggested to him that it is all about perspective and focusing on what you do have rather than what you don't. He told me that he doesn't feel that he has been successful yet in his life. I pointed out his successes...I am not sure he heard me.
So, I really sense right now he doesn't want me to go anywhere. He just isn't really to to step up and commit to anything.
I know I need to be thankful for the positives...but as I have said before, even with the positives, this is still difficult.
It sounds like he is just down on himself now, so he's backing off a bit. It may not have anything to do with how things are going with your reconciliation. I would try to let him have his space. You've let him know that you don't like things the way they are and IMO, that's a good move.
My h has also been bad about agreeing on a schedule for counseling. We had a 6 week gap and now it's been another 2 weeks. It's frustrating, but I try to be grateful for when we do go.
I asked him what makes him happy...he said he didn't really know and that it changes but he is trying to figure it out. I suggested to him that it is all about perspective and focusing on what you do have rather than what you don't. He told me that he doesn't feel that he has been successful yet in his life. I pointed out his successes...I am not sure he heard me.
Hi Upside!
I think maybe you should try to empathize with what he is telling you rather than offering him suggestions for how to fix himself. Strive to make him think that you really "get" him (even if you don't "get" him).
I know we want to fix them so badly and point out how easy it would be if they just got a different perspective.
I wish I could say that this advice I came up with on my own, but reading your post just reminded me of what my DB coach told me in our first session way back when. - but don't think the status of my situation means that advice didn't "work", I just never really got another chance to put it into play.
Glad to hear your son seems better. That is so scarey!
Give your H some space and find some more patience. It must be so difficult to be so close and yet not close enough AND for it to be so totally outside of your control.
Nature Girl M 40 H 40 M 15, T 19 D11 S9 bomb 3/07 (MOW)
