Completely and utterly devastated--how to cope

[istherehope]

OK,

So H and I IM every day (no R talk, but there is talk about the logistics of our separation and our budget, as well as timing for counseling), but don't talk on the phone, but to be fair it's only been 3 nights since I moved out. For anyone who hasn't read the thread through, I am going to go to Poland for a couple of months soon. In the meantime I'm living in limbo, staying in a corporate apartment next door to my office. I am still in town while H goes on a business trip, so starting Monday I will stay at the house 3 nights and watch the pets while he is away. The next week again he'll be on a business trip for a few days, and then the following week I go on a business trip to India. So there are a lot of in between days where we need to figure things out. Of course my big hope is that he asks me to come and stay at the house even in a separate bedroom, but I don't think he can see beyond his own need to be separate from me. He is not even thinking for one minute about how difficult this is for me, not even emotionally, but logistically with all of my things, moving place to place, missing the pets etc. I feel like this entire process is now about him, and sometimes I wonder whether I am losing my dignity and being a doormat, or whether I am simply making a sacrifice to make up for problems I might have caused in the past. There are about 5 in-between days between now and my trip to Poland where I do not have a place to stay, and I am not sure whether I should bring these up or not. If I do try to stay in the house, he will not consider this time as time toward our 3 month S, and will want more time apart. However I am not sure whether I should ask him to stay somewhere else during this time, whether I should reserve a hotel room for him...

In terms of the times over the next 3 months when I come back from Poland, then I will stay in a hotel myself as suggested. It is just that at the moment I have only 1 small suitcase full of stuff and am, as I mentioned, essentially in limbo...

ITH