Thank you so much for all your posts. They really helped me to separate things in my head and have encouraged me.
Well, it's 12 o'clock now and still nothing from h so I assume lunch today isn't happening - note the today I am not ass-u-me-ing that it will never happen.
I do feel in a small way that h is trying to test my buttons a bit as usually I would have blown my top over the text yesterday and him not responding to my email asking him to lunch today. (It is rude!!) however I am going to do nothing. I really had no expectations that lunch would happen today so I brought some things in for me to eat in case it didn't happen but wore some nice clothes in case it did. So the upshot is that I am sitting at work wearing my newish favourite top feeling happier because I look alright today so that is a positive.
I have checked the account and there is still no money. If there isn't tomorrow I will pay in �100 as I am not getting a bad credit rating over this which is just enough to cover things and just leave him in his cave/ funk for a bit. In a week, if I still have heard nothing, I have a small gesture planned. I will send him an email telling him I went to see Batman (as he told me he had gone to see it) and chat a little about that. I also thought I could offer for him to come and visit the cat one evening sometime and I'll go out so he can spend some time with her. I'll word it in a better way. He loves the cat and misses her and I thought it might be a nice gesture. It depends whether you feel that it might think he may feel that as pressure - it is a take it or leave it offer though.
I also think this might work because I think my h's primary love language is Receiving Gifts, so I hope that these small gestures will help to fill up his love cup
I am feeling a little frustrated and sad at the two steps forward 3 steps back thing but I see that it has to happen so I can reinforce showing him the changes I am making and also I am quite proud of myself for not letting it affect me as much as usual. I'm really really tired today though, emotionally I think. I feel I have got so much of a better understanding of things though this week.
I am not ass-u-me-ing that it will never happen.