Leap of Faith on the Lake Erie Shore

[Bworl]

How about a simple..."If I can do anything for you, you know all you have to do is call."

No suggestions.

Just remind her that you are there and nothing is too much to ask.


Bill

[Neilh23]

Bill--
that's what i did. donh't expect her to call, but she may surprise me...
knowing her the way i do, she's pushing herself too far and too hard. this was always a problem when we were together...she has a hard time relaxing...except then, when she crashed, she could rely on me. I doubt she's going to now.....but....IDK. she is opening up to me more....

patience......going to read the book of Job at some point..LOL..add it to my things to do list...

[TwinDad]

Neil,

Whether your W takes you up on it or not, she will remember that you offered and you cared....win-win.

[Neilh23]

morning...

IC and i had a good talk. he complimented me on my save on sunday, and the compliment thing. He was really impressed with my realization that i was looking to see her to make myself happy, when that isn't what i need. He also said it was good that i'm looking for ways to make myself happy.......

J3B...you'll be proud to know that whenever i go to the gym, i push myself by saying "that f'er tried to break up my family" whenever i start to struggle. LOL

yesterday's interactions were good. she's got a bacterial infection that's making her lymph nodes swell, so she's in some difficulty. i offered to take the girls, but she's still playing super mom. of course, she just wants to see them... The good thing is that she's slowly but surely opening up to me again. About 2 months ago, she probably wouldn't have said anyhting to me about being sick

patience......is a virtue that i am learning...LOL

[TwinDad]

Neil,

I am glad you can recognize those baby steps.....they add up. I know what you mean about the super mom thing though it may be more of a martyr thing. My W would get sick and then lay on the couch and complain that the kids were crawling all over her. I would try to get her to go to the other end of the house and sleep but she wouldn't, she would just complain that she "couldn't be sick"

[Neilh23]

Twindad...
thanks. I've been reminding myself to look for the smaller steps. For awhile there, i was looking for the bigger steps, esp. after the pool time. i've realized that i can't do that. still gets's me impatient, but i know the wait'll be worth it

[TwinDad]

but i know the wait'll be worth it

There you go!!!

[Kenny]

I feel your pain in looking for the big steps. The baby steps are so few and far between that sometimes you feel no progress is happening.

Patience is something that I am being forced to learn. Giving up the control is not sitting easily with me.

I have been reading along and not saying much as TD seems on the ball big time. My w is moving out tomorrow as she just couldn't cope with the as if approach in the house.

This will give me more time to get involved and payback some of the good advice I have received. It will help me too.

[The Wifey]

(((Neil)))

You know, I've been so wrapped up in the pain that I hadn't noticed the baby steps. Reading "How to Get Through to the Man You Love" I can see times when he did spend time with me and then I acted sad. He went somewhere with me and then later I was sad.

I was telling him that what he wasn't doing was more important that what he did by my actions. I needed to encourage every single baby step and show him, not tell him, how much I enjoyed every minute with him.

By just being happy when you do see her you will encourage her Neil. If you backslide and look unhappy when you are with her, that makes her associate time with you with unhappiness.

I'm glad I'm coming out of the fog and see you are "unfogged" also. Keep doing what you are doing. Keep loving and being a friend. Be patient, wars aren't won overnight.

And the spoils of war are fun to enjoy. This DB is a little like a war, don't you think?

[Neilh23]

LOL...yep, i do Kjo. however, the war is within yourself sometimes. you don't want to wage war with your H..... I think DBing is the peace negotiation process...

i do keep my PMA whenever i'm around her. it's after she leaves when i get upset, angry, resentful, etc...and i come here and vent