Thinking of biting the bullet

[BeingMe]

Hi ACJ! I have been away in my own little cocoon of despair (which I know will not last long, 'cause I won't allow it), but I had to check in and see how you are doing, after you took the time to post to my thread. Thank you!

Here is my opinion about parenthood, and life, and all that stuff ....

We all have something to learn on our journey through life, and to be tested on this earth. It's how we deal with life, at it's most awful, and at our most guilt-ridden, selfish, darkest times, that (I believe) will determine our success as human spirits on the planet. And, one day, hope to go 'home' with honour.

We all fall ... it's the getting up (over and over again) that make us winners. You know you were being the best mom you could to your children ... your heart was in the right place, your motives pure. You know you love them with all your heart. Sometimes, our execution as parents suck ... I know mine did many times. And, now, you are teaching your kids a strong lesson ... no matter how you acted before, you CAN CHANGE AND DO BETTER! We all can if we choose to, and want to. This has been the greatest lesson for me. I was an angry person in my younger years, very defensive, and I was able to show my kids that I could change, and I proved this to myself too. So, I ask myself, if I can change from that angry person to the much calmer person I am today? What else can I achieve? I would say, just about any darn thing. Nothing is set in stone ... certainly not our soul.

You know, we can only blame our parents so far, until we have to realise that once you are an adult, you are responsible for your own actions. The same will apply to your children, one day. I know my mom wasn't the best, but she was a product of her generation, and I know she loved me. I used to feel resentful that she didn't hug me enough, or she preferred my younger brother, or whatever. But, now she's long passed away (she was only 52 and my dad was 49 ... so young), and all those feelings, I realise, were just a waste of time. I also wonder about the grief your H continues to carry, over the death of his dad. It's been years, and yet he still seems so affected by it. I guess we are all different in how we handle stuff like that. I just remember my parents with fondness and love, and try and pass on the stories of their lives to my kids, so that they can live on in the next generation. I hope my children will do the same for me. Anyway, I think I am digressing here, and whaffling on a bit. Sorry ... I'm in a bit of a reflective/pensive mood.

Take heart ... this too shall pass (as 'they' say). Thinking of you! Hugs!