Whoops, I see I got censored. I'm used to a couple other boards where the words that are censored aren't the 4 letter kind.
I'm finding that my ADD meds mess with how much rest I get and so if I take them every day I get b'tchy and if I don't take them at least every other day I get b'tchy. So, perhaps every other day will work.
One friend described how a relationship ended as it was like she died of cancer. It just slipped away. That is my greatest fear in the world, not that we have some huge explosion, but, that W just slips away into a new world. I haven't seen her since Saturday and I know there are people who haven't seen their S in much longer, it feels like she is slipping away. I want to make her angry with me just to know there is still emotion there. We talk every day, mostly about the kids. ARGHH!! I just want that darned fast forward button. Going to celebrate W's birthday on Sunday. I was asking if she was coming to church and she didn't know if she'd be up by then. I kept trying to get a commitment and then I realized it was too much. I told her, "I'm not trying to pressure you." to which she replied that I was pressuring her. I just let her know that I wasn't going to say anything to the kids and that we would celebrate on Sunday. Then, she said that she wanted to celebrate right after church. Of course, that had to mean that she was making plans with someone else for the evening, right. I disgust myself sometimes at my inability to see anything but the worst possible interpretation of a situation. No wonder I'm here
Sometimes, thank God for my morning commute. I can cry and sob and assault myself with angry music and then by the time I get to work, things are stable.
Then, to top off the day. An acquaintance and a friend of his were struck by lightning a couple of days ago. The friend died on the spot and Marc died last night. We weren't close, but, in a way we were because of the way we were acquainted. It isn't helping life right now.
YES, in spite of all of this and even through the pain. It's still an amazing life and it was an amazing day.
My S is having a sleepover next door, so I took the girls to the grocery for an adventure of getting food for dinner. The little one wanted to carry the basket and we had fun.
