I feel the very same way as you. I found the mediator, contacted her, make all the appts, find a sitter, and so far have done all the paperwork (H 'lost' his so we couldn't file yesterday). And funny that, I don't want a divorce.
But, we need to remember something. We can't live like this. I totally stole this off the Separated Forum, but love love love it:
**** We must all try to regain our dignity and get on with our lives. Don't beg for a person to come back who doesn't want to be with you. You deserve better. You don't deserve second best. You don't deserve the unhappiness that a less-than-great marriage will give you. You deserve someone who is faithful, who treats you well, who is kind and considerate and makes you feel good about yourself. To stay with a person who constantly feels that something is wrong with you and who isn't nice to you is no way to live. ****
