SH, how are you doing with the 2 year mark? I agree with you that your H will probably just let the situation continue unless some event happens to make him change. Not much to say but just to give you a ((HUG)). take care
SH Hi It seems like a lot of these mlcers will let the situation stay the same as long as they can but look at mine.. I think its best to not push D unless your done I am not totally done, but im encouraging myself to move on The D might help me in that way as well peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Hi sh- Wow you have passed the 2 year mark. Time does go by very quickly. I can't believe I am coming up on 18 months. Time is too precious to waste dwelling on what our other people do or don't do. Be happy, enjoy your kids and live your life. Everything will all fall into place when it is supposed to.
Been doing a lot of thinking and processing my feelings lately. I think I have truly let go.
After 2 years, the rose-colored glasses have finally come off. I'm having difficulty finding any qualities that I like about H right now. Praising what little good he does is draining - I'm getting tired of overlooking all the bad and making excuses for his behavior.
I'm not saying I wouldn't give H the chance to come home. I'm going to continue to do what I've been doing. It's just that now, I see things for what they really are and accept that our current R may never change.
I wanted to save H from his mistakes. I wanted to save my kids and myself from the humiliation of H leaving us. I wanted to prove to everyone else that they were wrong about H and that he would come back to us.
I can't save H - only he can save himself. Yes, H leaving us for the kind of girl he left us for is humiliating, and I worry about the day my kids learn the truth, but I realize that I am not responsible for H's stupidity. I am responsible for certain aspects of the breakdown in our R - I recognize that and am continuing to work on making changes in myself for my future R's.
By letting go, I feared losing H. The truth is, I lost H a long time ago.
I dreaded raising 2 boys on my own. I've been doing it for 2 years now and we are happy. Realistically, even if H were home, I would be doing everything on my own since H was never around much or very hands-on.
Part of really giving up hope for my M has to do with my own issues. I have done things half-ass for most of my life. I feel like I have never reached my full potential - in school, with work, everything, really. I'm still working on figuring out the reason behind this - my guess is that it's self-esteem related. As I've been told, I lack self-love.
I do wonder if I am resigning myself to defeat now out of a greater fear for what's to come. Or am I just being realistic?
Either way, all I can do is continue to work on myself. The rest, I hope, will naturally fall into place. (Exactly what Upside said above.)
This thread is due to lock. When it does, I don't think I'll be starting a new one yet. I'm tired of chronicling what I think is progress at the time, only to look back and realize I'm trying to make something out of nothing. Maybe when there's real progress, I'll start a new thread. I'll continue to lurk and check in on my friends though.
Time to really get my mind off of H and see what other possibilities life has to offer...
Hi sh- I am glad you are trying to see your H now for who he truly is and that he has to save himself.
I struggled so long with the humiliation of what my first H did. I finally got to the point where I realized that the worst thing I did was make a bad choice in an H. His actions were not a reflection of me in anyway. I felt I did everything I could to save the M and I was able to hold my head high when I decided that M wasn't going to survive.
You sound like you are at the point where you can really drop the rope. I don't believe that you are resigning yourself to defeat. You are just accepting the reality of the situation...you can still have hope if you want to. You are right, all you can do is continue to work on yourself and if your H wakes up someday and appreciates you for the person you have become than that could be a wonderful thing...but you know there is no guarantee that that will happen.
I hope you continue to post to your thread. I think you offer some very insightful information for all of us. I also think it may help you continue to grow and process.
Sh I am just a few steps behind you and it does start to click they are not really moving anywhere our H They are stuck and we have no choice really but to move on even if we notice a real movement toward us ..we can then stop I still have door open but I am allowing the rest of grief to process through so hopefully I will be done with my emotional part I held on so long and I managed to pospone the finality and the grief( which really hurts) It is sad You are strong and you will be ok better things are coming peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
