Darling...this new toy is going to be your new best friend. If you haven't tried something with this very strong vibration, you will immediately know the difference. Drink a glass of wine, get alone with yourself, relax and HAVE CONFIDENCE...because this one really will deliver. I promise.
I will comment more on your full post later.
But for now...rush out and get your new friend! There is no substitute for this one.
Perfect timing too. My Daughter's will be away for the whole week, next week ,visiting the In Laws in a differnet state. So I will have plenty of time to practice.
Shelby
Me:43 H:43 T:20 YRS M:15 YRS Bomb: 6/9/08 Bomb#2 7/6/10 Served with papers at work 7/13/10 DD:14, DD:11
Are you sure you're not overselling this thing? There are so many women out there who say they can't have an orgasm, is it really as simple as "Get a bigger, more powerful vibrator and keep vibrating harder until it happens?"
As in Shelby's case, she hasn't tried this "type". There is no comparison between this type and a battery operated one, and she will notice the difference immediately.
Some women who are lucky enough to need very little (comparatively) amounts of stimulation in order to get close to orgasm, can use those batt opp types and that little buzz gives them just enough to push them over. I have discussed this with girlfriends who are like that. But there are those of us who are not so lucky, and it takes a lot of stimulation to get us there.
For instance, I have one female friend who says it takes her literally about 2 minutes of oral to get to an O, where as I know many other women (and averages by medical journals report) that it takes them about 20 minutes of solid oral stimulation to get to an O. Because it can be confusing and frustrating, many of them have given up by that point - especially if you have never had one yet, and you are expecting it to take only 2 minutes, like my very fortunate female friend.
None of the brand or model types matter for these things, they all vibrate the same, so Shelby...don't spend too much time worrying about it. Just grab the most economical one you can find. They shouldn't run more than $25.
Also Shelby...here are some VERY IMPORTANT things to remember!
*After you get your first O, wait wait WAIT at least one whole day before you go for another one! Reasoning here is that your body is going to say "wow, cool, I want more!" immediately. But you don't want to end up only knowing how to get one via vibrator. The ultimate goal is for you to be able to have them with your partner. It is very easy for the female body to get addicted to O's by vibe only, and then you are pidgeon-holed into only certain ways to O.
*So you get one, wait a full day before you try to have another one. During that day, let your body "ride the wave". What that means is, your body is going to rise up and ask for another one and this comes with a feeling of "pressure" in your whole vaginal area. Its not quite the same feeling when we want intercourse, it is different. You will notice the difference during that day afterward. RIDE this feeling and get used to it. It is this feeling that will assist you in learning how to have MORE of them but you must get your body used to this feeling. That's why you want it to linger for at least a day before you try for another O.
*So after one whole day, go ahead and go have another one. Then wait at least another day.
*After that, start trying to get yourself ALMOST there with the vibe, and once you feel very close to the O, take the vibe away and try using your hand or another type of toy. The point here of course is to learn to O by different things.
If you've made it that far...come back and I will give you more tips! VERY IMPORTANT though and please do not forget how easy it is to be addicted to a vibe and how your body can end up unwilling to try any other way.
I wanted to address one more thing with you...
I hope you are not going to see this as a cure all for your marital problems. I can appreciate that it WILL help your marriage (if you and your H can get back on track) but ... please don't fool yourself at all. O's are something that you need to have for yourself because they are God's gift to us. One way that your body can give you a beautiful release. But dont overestimate it. It will not be that magic ingredient that brings your husband back to you, and even if it is...well, that doesn't put him in a very nice light IMO.
So off my soapbox about that...but do let us know how it goes!
Interesting thread. DQ, I agree quite a bit with what you say. I have an old faking orgasms thread around that also might be relevant to this sort of thing.
Just two things:
(1) The Eroscillator works far better than the knob style vibrators (though I agree they are good.) But nothing beats the Eroscillator. Intense stimulation of a better sort with less numbing action. They are pricey but last for years and years.
(2) The pressure to O without a vibrator is ill-placed. If it happens, great. If not, that is OK too. The video that accompanies the Eroscillator covers this point well. A woman is not lesser than or somehow sexually defective if a vibrator is required. There are certainly still many ways for a man to participate in the O even if it involves a vibrator.
NTE,
If a woman has NEVER had an O, even by herself, then her partner's skill level probably has nothing to do with it.
If a woman Os by herself but not with a partner, it is because she is not getting what she needs sexually, either because of her own hangups/mental blocks, or because her P is not giving it to her. With 10 minutes considered a very long time for foreplay by a lot of guys with only part of that including direct genital stimulation of the woman and a greater amount including foreplay for the guy, a lot of women are simply not going to O with their Ps. And, with all the social pressure to be a certain way sexually on women it is very difficult for women to be present sexually, and if they aren't present, well, they won't O, that's for sure.
I agree with your number 2 - however, it is (IMO) ideal to O from a partner's tongue, hands, or if you are lucky, from intercourse. IDEAL being the operative word. Not imperative. Difference being, that yes of course a couple can have a grand old time if the woman only O's via vibe as long as the man involved is very Evolved and understands a woman's body enough to not feel insecure about the fact that his body is not giving her the O. Unfortunately for a lot of women, many men are not secure enough or educated enough to understand this.
Shelby's husband sounds like one of the second category, due to the fact that he feels some kind of failure due to her lack of orgams. So since the vibe thread was specifically for her, to her, I am telling HER specifically, that it will be best if she can train herself to have an O by other means as well as by vibe.
But in theory, I agree that lots of couples get along just fine where the woman only O's via vibe, and the man is happily participating.
I also agree that the pressure is mis-placed, however, this is Shelby's situation and she has to work with that pressure (sadly for her, because pressure of any kind tends to stop you from achieving orgasm!)
Let's not call the poor guy un-evolved just because he feels bad about not giving his wife an orgasm. There are worse fates than to be stuck with a guy who wants to give you something that you also want. You don't know how he would feel about needing to use a vibrator to help her reach orgasm; you only know how he felt about his complete failure to give her one.
Got to agree with Silly here. For a guy who is really trying to be unselfish during sex, this is a critical failure. Think of it this way, how would you feel if your guy could only get off doing himself while you watched?
I personally would not object to using the vibrator during sex to get my wife off if that was the only way. What scares me about a no O woman are the ones who won't try to find a way. As a man, at that point all you are doing is masturbating in somebody else's body.
Well Silly - OK, I don't mean to bash on the guy, I don't even know him.
But ... in general, and this is just my OPINION (to which I am entitled) but men in GENERAL need to be more educated about women's bodies and what causes orgasm for women. And if a man (not necesarily Shelby's husband) does not take the time to educate himself enough to realize that women's bodies need a certain something different than a man's body needs in order to O, then that man in my OPINION, is a doofus and not worthy of MY time in bed.
IMHO!
As for whether or not such a man is a worthy person or not, of course he is. Sex isn't everything. Or maybe he is gay and that's why he doesn't care about how a woman's body works!
Silly, I suppose also, that without having the history of a woman, you really don't have much understanding about just HOW much of an a** a man can behave about such things and what a huge turn off it is. Just trust me - - men can be such dorks about this stuff - - I am not pointing fingers to anyone in this room, no one's husband, only actual men I have actually been with in my life.
ON the other hand...I also know that women can be clueless, that they really need to understand their OWN bodies better, that they need to understand a man's needs better....so please don't think that I reserve my honest opinions for the likes of men only! Remember - I've had women as partners. They can be the most irritating creatures on earth! I know this first hand.
Its all about education in my opinion....and people who like to think they know a lot about sexuality, where in fact, they only know what sex is like for themselves (ie: the men I was talking about above), are the same as people who make other ignorant assumptions about the world.
But once again...this does not make them worthless people! Just ignorant! And ignorant people can still learn and grow, they are not hopeless or helpless. They can be expected to become proficient about sex though, if they ever want to have truly GOOD sex.
So again - I am sorry to Shelby's husband, I have no clue if he is evolved or not.
NTE there is a difference between a guy who is trying to be unselfish in bed, and a guy who gauges his own success on whether or not he delivers an O to a woman in a certain way.
The first type of guy, if he is truly unselfish, will realize immediately that the woman has to be able to assist him in figuring out how to help her reach an O, and he will also realize that if it doesn't work, he needs to take the pressure off of that for the moment and move on to something else. This is TRULY unselfish.
The second type of guy, and I have had them, will try to tell YOU how you are not "normal" and that "every other woman he has been with has been able to O from intercourse alone, so what is wrong with YOU". Trust me, this is not unselfishly trying to make her O.
