DQ - I would classify you as more HD than LD because at least some of the traits for HD come naturally for you. My wife is like NTE's, every single one fits with the exception of maybe #5 (thankfully she does like giving and recieving oral).
If I had to pick out a single indicator for a woman, it would probably be masterbation. All HD's I have known did it and all LD's I have known didn't.... That's my theory and I'm sticking to it.
Maybe what I am finally piecing together in myself is the potential to be HD...but with no loving partner in a relationship I can easily be LD/ND. But being that at least the potential for HD is there, I quickly move in that direction with a loving partner.
An HD with self control that is not in a relationship would look a lot like an LD. You gotta do what you gotta do to damp down the fires if you do not have an acceptable outlet. But, a sleeping tiger is still a tiger.
I gotta agree with 5, I think masturbation is a big line of demarcation. If you can't get horny enough and "dirty" enough to take care or yourself or explore yourself, you don't have a sex drive.
I just thought of one friend I have...I think maybe sometimes if there is something skewed off base with a person in general (ie: childhood sex abuse, addiction issues, physical disability, etc) that maybe the HD/LD list could be skewed for that person.
Anyway my friend, who is female:
*Doesn't masterbate, never had an orgasm in her life.
*Doesn't fantasize, thinks its silly.
*Will, however, engage in very wild sex, including one night stands or giving a blow job to a stranger for fun.
*She is also capable of having wild sex with a loving partner, not just strangers.
*Doesn't bond with people on a very deep level in general, has intimacy issues in general. She has bonded with me very well but I have known her for almost 15 years and this has only occured in the past 5 years.
*Generally doesn't want to be touched. Will hold hands with a partner but it is clear she doesn't want it and is only relenting for their sake.
So....maybe a person like this, who clearly has some kind of issues in her background (perfectly honest, I'm not sure what they might be), can have a totally skewed HD/LD scale?
As far as frequency, I know she is having sex at least once per week and this has been solid for as long as I have known her.
I dont know....I get confused easily. My fiance has a joke about that, when I get confused he puts on his "radio announcer" voice and says "Now with new CONFUSE-AWAY...you too and be confused free! Gets rid of those pesky confusing ideas for you!" Then he pretends he is holding a spray can and makes the "shhhhhhhhhh" sound of spraying me with it.
Previous sexual abuse, or mental issues totally shift everything in my opinion. That is behavior attempting to compensate for damage, not an intrinsic drive.
Women who have never had an orgasm scare me, especially ones with a great deal of experience. There has to be a major disconnect. All of their partners can't be incompetent.
I do know that it is her deal and not her partners issue with the lack of O's....she may actually have a physical problem that prevents her from getting O's? Nerve damage maybe? Not sure. I have discussed it with her, but the sad part is, a woman who has never had one, doesn't know what she is missing and fails to see "what the big deal is" and therefore has little reason to see a need to try. Plus I think she is tired of hearing about it and so she is in denial that there might be any problem.
I even bought her a book one time about O's, written by a woman for women who are having trouble...I also did try to explain to her that there is a certain type of vibrator that will nearly guarantee one for her but she has to be willing to play around a bit. She acted interested and said she would be open to it...and then she never opened the door to that discussion ever again, so I know she just simply doesn't see the need. Who would if they have never had one and they don't have the urge to get one?
But she definitely has the need/desire for sex itself, or maybe it is just the desire to feel desired that she needs?
I know she doesn't actually like doing things that are considered slutty, but she likes the powerful rush of doing something wild.
Dance Queen, "I also did try to explain to her that there is a certain type of vibrator that will nearly guarantee one for her but she has to be willing to play around a bit."
Would you be willing to share the name of that certain vibrator?
Thanks, Shelby
Last edited by shelby; 07/30/0810:25 PM.
Me:43 H:43 T:20 YRS M:15 YRS Bomb: 6/9/08 Bomb#2 7/6/10 Served with papers at work 7/13/10 DD:14, DD:11
LOL Shelby...I was worried I might be called out on that one!
ERM...ok yes...here's the deal (so embarassing, wish the guys could just ignore this one but here goes...)
The type I am talking about is actually a back massager, and you can get one at any Wal-Mart or similar type of store, probably also Rite-Aid. They are usually on a long wand type thing, but sometimes you can find one that you can use with one hand. They are meant for putting deep vibration on your back or other muscle groups. They usually have a low to high vibration dial. They plug into the wall. There is just nothing in a battery operated toy that can hold a candle to the strong vibrations of a wall plug in deal.
These things really do work because basically, your body has no chance against it. They vibrate so "hard" that your sensitive tissues might even feel a bit bruised later, depending on how long you keep it there. But basically, if you just turn it on and put in on the right spot (directly over your C) and leave it there - its going to happen. They vibrate so hard that you don't even need to take your panties off!
The downside to these things is that they are very unsexy and not fun to incorporate into your sex life with a partner. I mean, you can, but they are just bulky weird looking things that make a lot of noise. They are not pretty, sparkly, smooth, penis shaped things that lightly buzz...and those are the types that most men would be happier to invite into the bedroom with you. So anyway, if its just for you, the big ol' massager will do the trick every time!
(sidenote: unless of course you are mentally preventing yourself from having an O...in which case, no machine is going to work)
Thanks so much Dance Queen, I am definitely going to have to go and pick me out one.
Here is the thing and this is so embarrassing and personal and before all of this separation talk started with me, I would never dream of discussing this anywhere or with anyone. But now I am putting myself out there in alot of ways. So here goes.
I don't have orgasms. There I said It. I don't think there is anything that I want more. I just can't seem to make it happen. I can get right to that point but then something happens and I loose it, it never happens. I am sure you are thinking that I must be frigid or that I don't enjoy sex. That is NOT the case at all. I love having sex. I masturbate quite frequently.( I know more information then you needed to know, But now that I am baring my soul I might as well go with it.) I do enjoy sex and I am not afraid to try new things. I do own some vibrators, although not the one you suggested. YET.
I think, NO, I know, that is our main problem. My Husband just obsesses over this fact, that he can't give me an orgasm. And I know he has every reason too. But I think if we could just relax and enjoy ourselves instead of always thinking... is This going to be the time. A lot of the time I don't think he is enjoying himself, he is so consumed with trying to make it happen...This is just so sad. So now he wants a separation and I know what the main reason is...I can't have an orgasm.
I have tried reading books, I went to a sex therapist, everything is in working order down there. I don't know what else to do. I will not give up though. I will have one some day. hopefully sooner than later. I can't let may marriage end over this when everything else we have is so good.
Shelby
Me:43 H:43 T:20 YRS M:15 YRS Bomb: 6/9/08 Bomb#2 7/6/10 Served with papers at work 7/13/10 DD:14, DD:11
