Trixi trying to find moorage

[Trixi]

((Dom)) that sucks regarding buying her out of her share of the house. I would be hard pressed to see anything positive there. (I am in a bad frame of mind as you'll read below, so maybe someone on the sunny side of the street can see a positive aspect- or at the very lease neutral.)

Motocycle cancelled due to rain this weekend. We're supposed to rent it a different weekend when it's nice. He has been doing research on where we should go, so I feel confident that we will be going at some point. He also has to work on Friday night (was supposed to be tonight, but they weren't ready.) He and I are planning to do something Saturday- he suggested taking the jeep out. He's coming over for dinner tonight and we'll firm that up.

Turkey has been postponed for him until sometime in September. (Back in May he thought he would be going in June, it keeps getting delayed.)Earlier this week, he still thought there was a chance he would be going on Aug 15th. I can almost guarantee it will be during Retro and/or he won't commit to retro because of the possibility of going to Turkey. POOOOOOP!!!!!!!

This was posted on Donna...Found's thread:http://home.att.net/~velvet-hammer/makeitwork.html
On the one hand, I found it very validating; on the other hand, it made me wonder WTH I am doing.
Here's another page from the site the quotes pastor TD Jakes. Let them Go

Here's a quote from the site the particularly resonated with me: We must all try to regain our dignity and get on with our lives. Don't beg for a person to come back who doesn't want to be with you. You deserve better. You don't deserve second best. You don't deserve the unhappiness that a less-than-great marriage will give you. You deserve someone who is faithful, who treats you well, who is kind and considerate and makes you feel good about yourself. To stay with a person who constantly feels that something is wrong with you and who isn't nice to you is no way to live.

I feel like he may be giving me crumbs, but they are pretty big crumbs compared to what so many people here get. In fact, I almost feel like an ingrate because others are searching and hoping for "baby steps" from their spouse, and I'm "dating" mine. He is being 'just' good enough to me that I am willing to be strung along. He says 'just' enough good things to keep me hoping. After reading the above website, I wonder if I am simply in denial. Is there hope? I'm not getting any younger- do I hold on? What about "commitment" and "vows"? You know, for better or for worse? (This is definitely 'worse'.)

I am so disappointed the retro may not even be an option for us because of his work. I sort of had it in my head as a litmus test, know what I mean?

NikB, Minkerman, and SallyM all "made it" so maybe I am being too negative?