Advice from my DB coach #3

[SillyOldBear]

Hey, Poet, what happened to your name? You're safe, right?

[Distressed67]

S,

I posted this on my thread but wanted to put it here just in case you do not come back to my thread and read it.

No D,

I'm sorry if I did not make myself clear enough. I should have added that you are doing the right thing, and to keep it up. Sometimes, my communications skills are not the greatest. Please forgive me. I really, really meant that she was doing what you wanted her to do. I'm probably out-of-place visiting your thread. sorry.

((((((hugs)))))
s

.
Do not apologize for your comment and you are not out of line for visiting my thread. I appriciate any comment or advice or 2x4 that anybody wants to throw my way. Please do not feel that I was upset, I just did not look at it from that POV and I was just trying to explain why I did not call her back.

Sometimes I am a little blunt in my postings and I am sorry if I made you feel unwelcome.

Feel free to read and comment on my thread anytime. All are welcome.

Tim

[poet]

Hey Bear,

Yes ... safe, but not necessarily sound.

hugs, poet

[poet]

Hey Bear,

I read your post about the 'shy guy' but I have another Big Question. Why is it that he can't/won't look me in the eyes anymore?

poet

[TwinDad]

Poet,

You already know he is ashamed and feels guilt for some of the things he has done....why do you think he has been so defensive...should give you some insight into why at least partially why he doesn't look you in the eyes

[poet]

TD,

THANK you for finding me. I was distressed without you.
I never thought of it this way because it doesn't fit in with his actions. And he just stated recently that "I am your H legally but not in spirit."

I am still a bit shaky (physically) will explain more later, but I have not heard from him today at all, and I'm beginning to panic. I have NOT called him tho.

hugs,
poet

[TwinDad]

Poet,

Do something that gives you peace....panic leads to mistakes and backsliding.

Don't believe anything he says....we have all heard stuff very similar to this

[Neilh23]

hey S or Poet???? (what happened with the name)

listen to Twindad.....find something that gives you happiness. and remember, Panic only makes the sitch worse...relax, as best as you can....

[poet]

Dear Neil and TD,

I am safely home now. Just got here. Thank you for checking in on me. H and I did not call each other once today. I have not spoken with him since yesterday morning. This is the longest I've ever gone. I need you to know that he did not come home today to feed the dog. He has never done that. His own 180's are more distant than they have ever been. I am trying not to panic, but I'm really frightened.

hugs,
poet

[SillyOldBear]

Well, you're following your plan, right? That's good.

I think Twindad hit the nail on the head, though I have to tell you, we're not experts on your husband or his psychology. But that said, it does sound like he's simultaneously feeling guilty and defensive. He'd like to justify his actions, and he'd like to change the subject to the things you've done wrong to hurt him, but he can't stop thinking about what he's doing wrong. Not to make excuses for him or try to drum up sympathy, but I'm sure he's completely miserable.