I WILL promise you....there are good reasons for the rules.
Remember when you FIRST came here....how hurt and vulnerable you were? Remember how that STILL can be sometimes????
SOMETIMES....we spend a LOT of time on the board. There are folks that seem and maybe even are in the same shoes. Or we think....this person gets so much and is so wonderful....How COULD there spouse treat them this way.
We have friends of the same sex, friends of the opposite sex. I've been around literally 2 yrs from forever on this board.
Not everything/one is as we think it is.
And in person............well, we're shell-shocked putting it politely.
Or....
Our OWN situation isn't exactly what it seems to be to others. We THINK they get it and understand.
Whatever.
It isn't our purpose.
It's like therapy with someone we really trust. We get close to them.
I had a therapist once when I was going thru the divorce. (pre DB ) He was good looking. And so personable. And he gave me information I needed. Made me feel like I needed to feel.
We also had a mutual friend.
Oh well. But we had a structure and alimited number of sessions.
I can tell you I didn't necessarily need HIM. But I really wanted what he provided.
DB isn't MEANT to be permanent. It's meant to be a resource. A place to brainstorm....a place to get support.
It isn't a place to hook up....not that you are...this is a cool group.
It's a place to find as many SOLUTIONS as we can....and that's easier because we're invisible.
IMAGINE saying to your best gf....lose weight and grow your hair. I have needed to waaaaaaaay back when I was married....and a few pounds have creeped.....and it is time...and i've been working on it,...............bl ah blah blah.......but there are folks you can't say this to.
The people I know in real life, I would NEVER say.......knock it off, you're being a jerk! to. I say, Oh, you can do better, honey, or why do you let him treat you this way?
We can really help folks from our situations/perspectives. We can help them save their marriages.....and they can help us save ours.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
