Feeling Hopeless...

[smartcookie]

<<My issue with sex isn't so much H knowing what i like, it's that i'm not attracted to him.

That will come when he's there for you emotionally. Everything about my H turned me off for a long long time. The way he walked, ate, breathed, slurped his tea. LOL I would avoid even brushing against his arm. It's much better now. It's just impossible to be attracted to someone who's hurt you so much. Once you heal, it will be much better.

<< I think i need my H back to really want him, not just sex.

I agree. But, strange as it may sound, you may want to put off the physical needs until he matures emotionally a bit.

<< why are you being such a b about everthing? Sometimes you are so dumb. stuff like that. I did pretty good at stopping him immediately and telling him that he can't talk to me like that, so he says "oh, sorry", but then he does it again later...

when he says sorry, then does it again later, he's not sorry, he's patronizing you. Go to the library & find a book called "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" by Patricia Evans. It will teach you more technique & skill to stop him from doing that. That's uncalled for. I told my H I wouldn't even speak to him until he read the VAR book completely through. He's not a reader, normally, but he finished it in two days.

<<I've taken a lot of that, i'm not taking it anymore.

Good Girl !! You shouldn't.

<<I'm trying to start small, just to get him used to helping at all.

That's great.

<<I'm rarely actually too tired at the end of the night. It's more about how he treats me that makes me want/not want to have sex.

Sweetie, it's not that you're tired, you're teaching him that it's not that he's "helping" you. It's his responsibility, he's the husband & father. He's supposed to be your partner. But you're right to go slow. It's a process.

<<I think i never learned how to use it. I learned a lot about how to put up with crap from my mom. That's actually what brought me here, i started yelling. My mom yelled. She was always angry, i didn't want to be her. I was looking at a website to find out about getting a divorce and found something about a WAW and thought that was me. It lead me here and I've been here ever since. I grew up thinking that the way my dad treated my mom was just ok. I just want to break that cycle.

& you will. This is a great place to grow your self-esteem & worth.

<<yes, please.

okay, just remember, you asked for it. tee hee (teasing)


<<thanks so much!!

it's my pleasure. & as you learn, you teach someone else, okay ? Pay it forward.

Hugs.