WAW and OM

[rpierson10]

Sandi and all....thanks so much for your advice and thoughts. A couple questions to start; first, is the DB book any different that the DR book? I'm almost done with DB and I have really gained some important insight from it. Should I get the DR book also? Second question, what signs are there that things between a WAW and a LBS might be improving?

I know what I'm about to say isn't going to make you all think that I'm really trying the DB techniques. But I am, but I also feel like I'm modifying them to meet my situation. The biggest thing that I think you need to know is that my S is absolutely the light of my life. And I believe it's important for him to spend time with both me and my W as much as possible. I know this might go against DB principles, but for me it's important.

That's why when she invited us over for dinner to her parents house on Sunday night I accepted. It was a good night, dinner was awesome (I complimented her on it...she doesn't cook much), and we shared several real, genuine laughs. That hadn't happened recently.

Tuesday she came over to go to lunch with us as a b-day treat for her. Sandi, I knew you said to leave her alone as far as b-day stuff, but she still needs to know I care. Her chief complaint in our M was that I ignored her once our son was born.

We were just sitting around talking about things and then she asked if my actions the past week and a half had alterative motives. I guess her and her mom had been talking about why I was being so nice, upbeat, and positive and inviting her to do stuff. I told her that I knew she liked to spend time with our S. I also told her that I was trying to do what was right by me, our S, and her. So I guess I told the truth, just not the whole truth.

She did ask if all my actions were an attempt to "woo" her to which I didn't respond at all. She said she was concerned because I still wear my wedding ring and then next to my bed I have a picture of her and I from our first anniversary (right before our S was born). I didn't respond to this either. Just changed the subject. Looking at those 2 things, the old saying that "actions speak louder than words" rings true. I'm going to keep the ring on!

The best thing that came out of the conversation was that she said she was happier with our relationship the past week and a half than she had been in a long time. She said she enjoyed spending time with me and our S but just as friends. I just nodded and said I also enjoyed spending time with her.

As hard as it was, I didn't ask any questions, make very many comments, just let her talk. Which for her, is a big step. In the past, I've always been the one to initiate the R talks.

I did give her the photo-slideshow DVD that I put together for her b-day yesterday. She was curious about what it was so I volunteered my DVD player for her to watch it. She had a big smile on her face as she watched it, lauged some, and I even caught a tear in her eye a time or two! She thanked me a lot for it!

I know that in the past I was very pushy, very clingy, and called/e-mailed too much. In the past month, I have avoided calling her unless she called me. Now I'm working on the text messaging (her prefered mode of communication). I know that her spending time with me and our son might not be exactly what I need to do, but as I said, I think it's important for our S.

In the mean-time, I did develop a plan. I actually developed it several weeks ago and I'm trying to stick to it. I've typed it out below.
#1: Eat good (3 square healthy meals a day)
#2: Workout at least 1 time per day (run, bike, lift, hike)
#3: Spend quality time with my S everyday (or at least most days)
#4: Take care of the house. Keep it clean.

On a related note, the past few times I have seen my wife I have been "dressed" up (for me that means a polo and a nice pair of pants/shorts because most of the summer I'm in shorts and a t-shirt as I'm a teacher/coach). She hasn't mentioned it yet, but I know it has to have caught her eye.

I am also looking into a Master's degree program. And tonight I'm trying Rugby for the first time. A buddy of mine plays and invited me. I told the W about this yesterday and she said "no offense, but you are going to get killed." That sealed the deal and was all the motivation I need to go and play!

I would appreciate any input that you all have on my situation! Thanks!