Just keep in mind that what she needs most out of you right now is to be a consistent friend. She needs to feel safe with you, regardless of what it's about.
You should tread lightly on the invites. Invitations, when done too much, smack of need and desperation. You definitely don't want to send the message to her that you are desperate for time with her, even if you are.
If you can throw the "You can come shower here" line at her and make it clear that it's a joke, great. Otherwise, again it sounds needy.
You don't like slow, but you don't really get the option to accelerate the pace.
You know, your wife KNOWS that you love her and want to be with her. Part of her also knows that her actions have and continue to cause you pain. Her guilt level is already pretty high. You don't want to be doing anything to make it raise higher.
I think checking in once a week is not a bad thing, and shouldn't come across as pushing.
As for invitations, I agree completely with Neal when he says that you should not invite her to anything that you weren't planning to do otherwise. Now is not the time to be creating date scenario's for the two of you. I really believe that you have some trust building to do before you get to that point.
On the positive side, despite the inconsistency and occasional tension between the two of you, it still seems like your wife is open to you. She is persuing her life alone because she decided quite awhile ago that this is what she needed to do. But she hasn't closed the door on you.
You work with what you've got.
Learn to reign in your heart and words when you communicate. Learn to keep your hopes and expectations tempered. Do NOT allow your grand plans for HER reactions cause you to crash when she turns you down or changes plans.
Which once again brings us back to the only good thing that you can do right now.
Live the best UD life you can lead and take every opportunity to show that you care more about her friendship and needs than you do about how quickly the relationship is repaired.
Because doing the first things automatically causes the relationship to be repaired. Then it's just a question of how far the two of you can go.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
