ok- i was trying to get the resons WHY he did move back home- not leave... becasue that would be good to do more of whatever worked... unless that was a premature move home
It was, and it was mostly out of guilt on his part, plus a little bit of doubt that he was doing the right thing. Like I said, I don't really even count them as positives because the desire was just not there on his part.
OK, on to my "homework"
Pre-bomb the most positive times, what worked (including sexually), were the times when H felt really secure in my love/acceptance for him, and when circumstances made it so I was not in control, or meek.
Like, when we would go visit his dad, I was always intimidated by his dad's temper and so would be very quiet & sweet, downplay my intelligence. During those visits, our sex life was PERFECT, a dream come true. Every single time we had sex he would be able to finish.
The last amazing thing he wrote me a few months back was right after we got back from a trip there, and he just kept saying in it, "I'm so in love with you," and was so passionate.
I've known this, saw the pattern, and the problem is that I don't WANT to downplay myself. I want my H's self-esteem to get on track so he can handle me being me, and not be intimidated. And I know he likes me as me, it's an unconscious thing. Other times when everything worked with us, inc. sexually was right around our wedding and at times when I was totally accepting and nurturing of him.
I want to do more of that (nurturing & accepting) than try to make myself meeker.
It is in the shelter of each other that people live.--Irish proverb
