I was talking to a mother of a school-mate of my youngest daughter. I was talking about where we used to live and when we moved to the town we're now living in, blah blah blah. I could not bring myself to tell her that I was divorced and somehow left her thinking that I was living here and my "husband" was living in another town.
I felt like a total idiot, but I just couldn't bring myself to say the words. I still feel like I'm somehow tainted because I'm divorced. Isn't that weird?
I was married for 10 plus years. I have 3 kids. Divorced for almost 2 years now and I still have a hard time with the admission.
Anyone else have a hard time with this? What do you do about it?
I'm not an expert, but I've been there. And I survived.
I actually do understand tho, not so much now, but at first felt hate to say it like a failure, dont know why, but you cant help your feelings, and when people ask what happend to say ,,,well my ex left me after 18 yrs. ouch!
Now I just say I am divorced and do not offer any reasons behind it, I am sure NO one judges, sadly too many D people in this world.
It will get better I am sure (( Been ))
oh and a mangotini please
Be Happy for this Moment, This Moment is your Life
I haven't told anyone. The people who know got the info from XH. My parents don't even know (yet).
I don't think I'm embarrassed about being D. I think I'm just holding onto some hope (maybe foolishly I don't know) and I don't want family/friends to worry about me.
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
I have a hard time telling people. I can't seem to bring myself to say the words either.
I am about to have to change everything at work...beneficiaries, insurance, etc. and I am DREADING it. There are only a select few people here that know what is going on so I'm sure people will be asking questions.
I am also dreading the name change thing just due to the questions. Plus my email at work will change....and I send emails to pretty much everyone in the company daily. I have thought about just keeping it the same.
I had a hard time the first few times I said it, but it got easier for me. Now, it really doesn't bother me. In fact, I actually made a habit of saying it (in context, lol!) so that I could get used to it. It worked!
As for the name issue, where I live women keep their maiden name legally, so I never changed mine. Thank goodness!
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
I abhor saying that I am in the process of getting divorced and do not look forward to telling people I am divorced. I liked being married and loved to whom I was married. Additionally, I loved feeling my wedding band with my thumb. I only took off my ring to workout and sleep, and never left home without it.
I too was (divorce should be final any day) married 10+ years. They say the divorce rate is 50%, but that is not the case among my social and work peers. I sometimes sit in a meeting and feel down realizing that I am one of the few whose marriage did not work.
However, I do not allow those feelings to last long. I miss many things about her and occassionally long for shared moments (all dinners - alone, family, friends; entertaining, projects around the house, and for some strange reason trips to the grocery store can really bring back memories), but I am GALing - workout, bought a bike, much closer to God, have many great family and friends, health and decent employment and am planning where I want to buy a home in the next 6-12 months.
Sorry for the ramble, but I saw the topic and had to post.
Me: 48 Ex-W: 45 M: Nov '96, together since Oct 93 Bomb: on 10-yr anni - Nov '06 OM Separated: mid-Feb '07 Divorced mid-July '08 One daughter - 28 XW living w/OM
OOH, my first cocktail as hostess of my own thread. I've been lurking around for a while. Like hanging out at a party somewhere near the door so I can make a quick exit if anyone notices me.
Mangotini sounds delish. Maybe I'll have the same.
Jen, that must be so rough...even your parents don't know? wow. I don't know what I'd do without my parent's support. They've been great through all of this. Even XH's parents have been very kind. Hang in there.
KLM and Princess...wow, hadn't even thought about the name change issue. I've gotten so used to my married name, can't imagine what would be involved in changing back to my maiden name. Heck, no one would know me.
JMC. Thanks for the post. It's good to hear a man's perspective. My X calls to chat often these days. Usually about missing the kids and feeling so alone. Before we got divorced, he didn't seem to think is was all such a big deal. He convinced himself the kids would be fine, they would adjust. His gf was divorced and I think she had him convinced it wasn't so bad. Now I think he knows how bad it really is. He's alone in a little apartment, she's no longer sure she wants to get married. He tells me too much, but that's another story.
Kimmie, I know I don't have anything to be ashamed of, but I just don't want to go into the details. I guess I'm afraid someone might ask about it, what happened, etc. I just don't want to go into it. Another thing is that I don't like talking about it in front of the kids. My little one was sitting right next to me and I just choked. I have worked so hard to protect his image in their eyes. I think it's very important for kids to respect their parents. Once they get old enough to form their own opinions, they will. I don't want to color their view.
Jak. Very sorry you're heartbroken. We all have our war wounds. Good luck with your continued healing.
I'm not an expert, but I've been there. And I survived.
been there, I would love to hear your whole story when you are ready to share.
And I don't know how to describe how I feel about telling people about getting divorced. At first, I was mortified my H cheated on me. Now, I am not. But like the other poster, it seems I don't see the other members of the 50% of divorced people. I feel like I am surrounded by married couples!
I also don't want any wives I meet thinking I am prowling for their husbands. Make sense? I admit before this drama, I judged divorced women. Even more than divorced men. Sigh. Live and learn.
