For the Guy with Kids and a WW 8

[lost_in_space]

H4H

Bud you are holding your own in this tough sitch. I feel your anxiety at all this.

Remember that your K's are priority 1. That's what is helping me right now.

[hopeful4her]

Thanks bro.

I try to keep my sense of humor. If I didn't, I'd probably be giving myself welts on the side of my head.

BB gun you know

Ok, going to switch gears already. Dookie by Green Day and Depeche Mode's 101. Probably THE best live recording ever.

[fightingirish]

hfher..

Thanks for checking on me.. I know your in a rough patch right now.. Stay strong for your kids, they need you now.

[hopeful4her]

Rough patch.

Yup. That's me.

I've looked back at some of my earlier posts. So up and down. I'm like the person that you know in real life. Going through hard times. The keep telling you, "Hey, I'm okay. Really. I am." Deep down, you just know their hurting. That is how I must look.

My feelings are so.......
I can't describe it.

I know the day is coming. The day that I have been fighting against for almost two years. One of us moving out. That day is now here, and I'm so conflicted about it.

On one hand, I hate that she has finally taken the steps to do it. I kept telling myself that it wasn't going to happen. It's happening. It's not what I want. I'm going to miss her. Truly.

On the other hand, I feel relieved. I'm no longer going to be a doormat. Like the countdown is on to get my life going again. The things that I want to plan. For myself. For myself and my kids. Taking care of me. Like she has told me, the start of a new chapter in my life.

And we're just seperating. Not getting divorced.

Yet.

I AM afraid that I will find weakness in myself in the relationships that I seem to be nurturing. I'm fearful of the feeling of apathy I have now felt towards my marriage. It really scares the HELL out of me. The people in my life ENCOURAGE me to find someone. It is such an odd thing. From friends that only know me and my sitch, to the friends that have known the both of us for years. THOSE guys are the surprising ones.

But they care for me. They know my struggles. They want me to be happy and they just feel like it ain't going to be with roomie, anymore.

I SEE my wife. I see glimpses of her. But I know that lurking inside of her is the alien form. The one who is somewhere else mentally and emotionally. It is so hard to know that they are both there.

[hopeful4her]

I got my first "business" email from roomie,

"Good Afternoon,



Just wanted to see if you can ask for the morning off on the Aug. 6th to be able to take the girls to have their eyes checked. Their appt starts at 9:30. I am also checking to see if their shots are up to date before school starts. I requested the first day of school off so that I can take them on their first day. Let me know. Have a good afternoon



Clarissa"

My response was,

"Good afternoon to you,

Yes, I will make arrangements to take them to the appointment. Where is the appointment?
Shouldn't Miguel be included?

I was also going to take some time off before school started. I was also going to take the 25th off also.
And we need to discuss their schedule. Is their week with you going to start on Sunday?


R"

Now, by my calculations, since she is moving on Friday, I would assume that she would want the girls to be with her this coming week. That puts them starting school on what should be my week. But that also puts them with her for Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas.

What fun this is going to be.

I almost included in my email that her inspection sticker is going to expire this month and for her to have it inspected.

I didn't.

[hopeful4her]

Ooohhhh. This is going to get good.

Her reply,
"I have taken care of Miguel being included, but he will be with Oscar and I have already left him a message to make arrangements for him, Miguel's eye appt is at 11:30 but he also has a doctors appt at 12:40 with Dr. Perez for his physical. It doesn't make a difference to me what week you pick, I'm not going to be completely moved out on Friday, since I work on Saturday. It will be a slow process, but I will try to get out of your hair asap."


I replied,

" I'm a little in the dark as to what your plans are. All I know is that you told me you are moving on Friday.

Now I know.

And unless you were being funny, your hair remark was uncalled for, thank you."


I was going to include a first sentence that said, "I don't think I said anything to make you snippy."

Holy moly.

[attorneytom]

Awesome "B Mail" there !

Usually about kids at first.. and then demise of the R.. then after the OM does not pull through it will be about taking her to the hospital for some tests that she cannot drive home alone from..

Been there done that.. takes about a year or so..

Have fun ! No more fluids and dont even mention the sticker, di !

AT

[karen43]

H4H, I think you did good!!! My H has alternated sending me cold & business-like emails with outright nasty ones sometimes. I try to reply back and most of the time reply with a light tone and joky, usually a joke or 2. I have started deleting most of my smily faces on the advice of others here. Definitely the last month or so since he filed for D maybe he is doing better with me, a bit nicer and friendlier. Maybe I'm wearing him down with my niceness/jokes??? Who knows though...Karen

[JeffSTL]

Hey H4H

H4H: know the day is coming. The day that I have been fighting against for almost two years. One of us moving out. That day is now here, and I'm so conflicted about it. On one hand, I hate that she has finally taken the steps to do it. I kept telling myself that it wasn't going to happen. It's happening. It's not what I want. I'm going to miss her. Truly.

Get use to the ups and down, one minute I'm happy she is gone and I can move on with my life and the next I'm down, thinking of the better times we had together.

I know its not what you want and its wasn't what I wanted either but we have no choice in the matter. It's not up to us.

I know this doesn't help you, but I do know how you are feeling, be strong H4H

M45
W41
M10.75 years
D9, D6, D6, S5
OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me
WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08
W files for D 07/18/08
Date I'll forgive W for A = never

[hopeful4her]

Thanks peeps.

Her reply pi**ed me off. I replied what I thought was a nice email with a simple request and question. I think ya'll could read her snippiness. That is ALWAYS the case with her. Her taking things the wrong way and then I have to retort that it was just a simple question. I'm sick of apologizing for my question. I used to say, "I'm sorry you took it that way, but...."

Not no mo.

AT, I sure can see it going that way as well. Your good.

Karen, you without smileys is just wrong.

Hey Jeff. I kept up, just have said much to ya. Thanks for keeping up with me. The ups and downs? Yeah. I guess they will NEVER stop. The difference is that now I know that it is me that puts me there for the most part. Not roomie.

Yup. No choice. Thats what I explained to D11. But we will make the best of it.

And I know you have your ups and downs. You just don't really write about it here. But I know.

Roomie was home before me today. Milagro. Thats "miracle" for you non spanish speakers. I was at the office today from 7:15 to about 6:30. Long day. She is cooking burgers. I let her cook. Kids ask me if we are going to Spectrum tonight. I decide against again. I'm just tired. Roomie is acting like nothing. I am acting the same. Kinda nice. I ask a question about dinner first. A few words to each other. We eat watching the ending of The Scorpion King. She is dozing off. She gets up and picks up her and the kids plates. Not mine.

But she came back and picked mine up too. She asks all the kids if they want to go to the store with her. We need dog food again. They all go. S14 asks if he can be dropped off at Spectrum for a little while while they shop. They are off.

I'm straightening up in the kitchen. She walks by, "Welll, I guess we'll be back later."

"Okay."

From her email, it obviously sounds like she IS going to move slowly. I figured.

I was thinking that since I didn't know, she was either going to hire someone or take Friday off and move herself. My mind's been racing that she would enlist the help of OM because he has a truck. I don't think that she would, but who knows. She has told me that he has never met the girls and that he won't. He doesn't know where we live, too. So she says.

What kind of love it that? What a stupe.

So, instead of "Gone Baby Gone" on Friday, she's gonna be "Sorta, Kinda, Nearly, Almost Gone Baby Gone".

So I guess my countdown will be slightly extended.