Bring on the Rain - Part 4

[SueS]

Yoyo-

Thanks for the offer of a hug. I'll take a virtual one if that's what I can get!!

It just broke my heart that D4 realizes that there's something wrong and it has to do with mommy & daddy's love for each other. She sang a song to me last night too and it had that kind of a theme. Now, I know she picks up on song lyrics quick, but this was just odd.

I just hope when H does hit bottom that he has the strength to get back up again. He told me years ago when we were going through the last affair that he'd thought about killing himself. He told me that he was going to move to CA with his cousin and that the next thing I'd hear about him would be that he had snorted too much stuff and OD'd. He hasn't talked like that at all this time, but if things go further in the wrong direction, anything is possible.

SueS

[ALL6785]

Hey Sue, pardon the interuption. Saw your post on the other board. The moderators over there are really cracking down on get togethers, off the board contact and such. I haven't been to a get together but plan on a visit with Fig and BH soon since I already had contact information for them.

[SueS]

ALL6785- Thanks. I've noticed the crackdowns also. Are you on FB or in contact with anyone else on the board. Seems like we're so intertwined these days that we may know someone who could put us in touch. I'm sure something could be figured out. I'd love to meet someone in person that going through this or has gone through this.

Thanks!

SueS

[SweetRedd]

It just broke my heart that D4 realizes that there's something wrong and it has to do with mommy & daddy's love for each other. She sang a song to me last night too and it had that kind of a theme. Now, I know she picks up on song lyrics quick, but this was just odd.

I just hope when H does hit bottom that he has the strength to get back up again. He told me years ago when we were going through the last affair that he'd thought about killing himself. He told me that he was going to move to CA with his cousin and that the next thing I'd hear about him would be that he had snorted too much stuff and OD'd. He hasn't talked like that at all this time, but if things go further in the wrong direction, anything is possible.
SueS

I think you did great with D4 listening and telling her that you still love her daddy. She isn't old enough to understand everything, but kids understand love. It's going to comfort her to know that you still care about her father. Knowing that you being her loving mommy is going to be her strength. She knows you too and you've taught her how to be compassionate and caring. So, she sings a song to love you in a special way right now. This is the little darling that YOU have been raising.. of course she's an incredible little person! Expressing herself and sticking by your side.. sounds like Sue's daughter to me

It breaks my heart that you're so worried about our H... that's a scary feeling seeing someone lose everything and worrying about what they'll do because they aren't strong. I don't know your H, but I know you'll keep an eye on him as much as you can. He keeps in touch with his family, right? Planning a move to be near them is a good sign he's making some kind of plan to have a life. Not the best thing for D4 though Take care of yourself and D4..and take one day at a time. Do you bosses know that you're in the process of moving? I'm sure they understand the kind of stress and pressure you're under.. please don't beat yourself up if you're a little moody. You're wonderful, but not super-human!

Huggggggs!!

Sheila

[ALL6785]

There's Bethie, C2H, Karen, and several that aren't around much anymore but it looks like we signed on about the same time. Sorry I haven't had a chance to check out your sitch yet, I've been pulling some pretty heavy hours lately.

[SueS]

ALL6785 - On our forum we have myself, mcojh, loritja0 (haven't seen her post for a while) and we had lightswitch, but I haven't seen him for a while either. Don't worry about checking out my sitch. I understand being busy. I've been moving this past week so I know how it goes. Did I see on Fig's thread that she moved? A different area of MN or within the same area? I just haven't seen enough to know.

Sheila- I know you told me I don't need to say it any more, but I'm going to say it anyway. Thanks.

H got home last night and offered to help move more things to the new place. The things of his that I'm holding for him are going into a hall closet. He offered to be around tomorrow morning to help move the last of the heavy things. He told me that if I didn't want him to be, he wouldn't, but he'd like to help. He also asked me if he could come over on Sunday and drive with D4 and I to the grocery store so he could buy us some groceries. We talked about a few other things. I asked him where he was staying. He doesn't know. He said he might end up going back to IN if he can't find somewhere to go. My heart broke, but I just couldn't get myself to offer my place to him. I just couldn't. I just can't continue to watch his A and our family falling apart.

I received a card from one of my dear friends here at work. It says....."If I could, I'd find a Fairy Godmother with a magical wand and combat boots so that she could grant your wishes and kick the crap outta anything that tried to get in the way of your happiness". She wrote about wanting D4 and I to find happiness in this next period of our lives. She also wrote down her favorite passage. Jeremiah 29:11 - "I know what I am doing. I have it all planned out - plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for." Gee, does anyone think that made me cry??? I did not open that one at my desk.

Well, my family is on their way here. I need to finish some work.

....Sheila, to answer your other question, yes- my bosses do know about my move and about where things are at. They've not been pushy or nosey, but they're easy to talk to and very, very understanding so I've kept them in the loop with where things are, without getting into great detail. They know that this week is especially hard for me.

SueS

[Rob1231]

Hi Sue, Hang in there, you're going to be in a better place soon - in more ways than one!

I asked him where he was staying. He doesn't know. He said he might end up going back to IN if he can't find somewhere to go. My heart broke, but I just couldn't get myself to offer my place to him. I just couldn't. I just can't continue to watch his A and our family falling apart.

This comment raised a flag for me. Probably not needed, but I'm gonna say it regardless. The A is not the cause of your family's problems - it is just one symptom. If OW told H they were done and she never wanted to see him again - that still is a LONG ways from your own R being repaired. The source of the problems is H himself - don't lose sight of that.

What am I getting at? Suppose H comes to you in a month and says "I want to make things better and try again. In the meantime, can I move in with you?" I hope you would know the right answer, which is: "NO. FIRST you get your sh!t together - including cleaning up your act with the drinking and the MLC and your job and other women and etc, etc, etc. All that needs to happen BEFORE you get another chance with our sweet Sue." Got it?

[SueS]

Rob-

No, no....I know what you mean. I know that the A is just a symptom. Sometimes, even for as long as this A has gone on, it's hard to push that aside and see that it's not the main problem for us. We do have many, many other issues that we'd have to work out. I guess I should have said that I can't have everything, not just the A in my face anymore. I need some space to get back to me.

I know that if my H told me that he wanted to come back I would need to be strong and tell him what would need to be done before that could happen. Not just his issues, but mine. I'm human, I do have some issues! It would be hard for me, but I'd have to do it. Today when he told me that he might go back to IN because he doesn't have a place to say, it hurt. However, I was strong enough to realize that letting him back in wasn't an option. I can't bend for him on this. That's not something that I would have done 6 months...maybe even 2 months ago.

I think sometimes that I don't word everything correctly. I just don't want you to think....Sue, Sue, Sue....when are you ever going to understand!!

SueS

[ALL6785]

I believe Fig was living down somewhere near Rochester but now moving west of St Cloud by the ND border. I’m up near Detroit Lakes, in a little town called Callaway that no one’s ever heard of, (population 200). Usually it’s a quiet little town but this past weekend there was a lot of traffic, I actually had two cars drive past my place Saturday night. I have a son (20) down in your area attending the U of M in Minneapolis.

Good luck with the moving , I know how stressful that can be.

[SueS]

ALL6785-

Is Callaway anywhere near Park Rapids? I have a cousin that lives there and my grandparents used to own a resort there called Sleeping Fawn. I understand the small town atmosphere. I was born in the MSP area, but we moved to South Dakota when I was 2. I lived south of Aberdeen in a small town of about 400 people. I think it's boomed to about 600 now!! My graduating class was 17 (12 boys & 5 girls).

I have friends that live in Alex. Maybe I could do a trip up your way!

SueS