"Am I willing to continue to put forth 100% effort on our marriage? That depends, are you? If you are unable to answer that question, then we are through, because I will not go this alone any longer, it won't work. I'm not going to pressure you into an immediate answer, but it's been a year since this was first brought up. I've set a time limit in my head of when I will know the answer....I will not be in this position a year from now. I WILL continue to seek the emotional intimacy and connection that the physical act of sex provides to me and I hope that it will be with you."
I don't know how to do that fancy "line over" feature, so I will just re-type my suggestion of how to say it a bit better...
"I am willing to continue to put forth 100% effort on our marriage. But I do want your agreement to put in 100% effort as well. I'm not going to pressure you into an immediate answer, but it's been a year since this was first brought up. I feel I have been patient since that time, but I will not be in this position a year from now. I do not want to threaten you, but the bottom line is that I will not remain in a sexless marriage. I want a fully intimate and happy marriage, and I want it with you. Please join me in the effort to get us to that place together."
There is really no reason to sort of threaten her with you finding someone else to be intimate with. That is implied when you say that you won't remain in a sexless marriage, right? It is implied because you are implying divorce, and divorce would then free you to find another partner. So no need to say it out loud. She will hear it loud and clear!
I am glad you've gotten a lot of other imput as well. I hope all the words will break through to you and reach past your anger. You are justified in having your anger, but only to a point. After a certain point (and you should be there now) you have a responsibility to put your own anger in CHECK, work through it, and then head into negotiations with your wife from a loving and grounded place.
