Harder than I thought

[haphazard]

Now what!
H and I had a pretty good evening last night except for.... wait I'll get to that part.

He came home having read 5LL on the train. He had managed to figure out my LL (Quality Time). We were watching tennis on TV and he said, I guess watching tennis isn't really quality time. So I said - oh so you worked it out then? Looks at me like I think he's a dope or something. Then I laugh and say watching tennis with me counts as quality time because I like watching tennis and you are showing an interest in something that interests me.

Anyway the match had nearly finished so when it was over we went and sat outside and chatted properly, talked about when the quality time aspect of our relationship had started to disappear, and about stuff we can do to reintroduce it. I reckon his LL is acts of service. He wasn't so sure this was right, but then he wouldn't say what it was and said the book was just a framework and too simplistic.

Anyway we ended by agreeing that my LL's in order of preference are:
Quality Time
Physical Touch
Words of Affirmation

not interested in

Acts of Service
Receiving Gifts

And H's are
Acts of Service
Words of Affirmation
Physical Touch

Not interested in

Quality Time
Receiving Gifts

Well that's cool at least we know can save money on birthdays and christmas LOL!

Anyway the more we talked the more he started to understand stuff I had long said about him not working so hard, that money didn't mean that much to me and having him around does (more quality time, less gifts!) And also the fact of him working so hard is an act of service.

Sooooo this got him on to the subject which has been close to his heart for a while, and which I have pushed aside, which is he wants us to emigrate somewhere warm so he can start a scuba diving school. UNNGHH!! Thud went my heart, not that again. I thought he had got over MLC and was happy to raise his family somewhere where they can get a decent education etc. Also I would prefer to stick around close to my family and friends.

So where to now? I feel like I have had a lump in my throat since he said it. I feel like we are almost back to square one and that the real root of all our problems has been his desire to emigrate and my desire not to. Apparently (though I don't remember it) I promised him that's what we would do before he agreed to have kids. I thought we had kids because we BOTH wanted to not as a bargaining tool.

YUK YUK YUK

Don't know what to do or think now, this is making me miserable because although we are ticking along nicely together I feel as if our life goals are so distinct one of us can never be happy without making the other one unhappy.

Fran