Well folks, I sped through 5LL at a sprint on Sunday. It's a very straight forward read which is great. John Gray's books (Mars & Venus etc) can be hard going.
Had tears in my eyes when I read the chapter on Quality Time that is definitely my love language. H has said derisively in the past - I can't stand the way your family just wants to sit round a teapot! It made me feel like he thought we were lazy. Now I know that shooting the breeze with each other is how we show love. That's the way we KNOW each other by spending time listening to each other's opinions on everything.
H has always glazed over when I try and get into a conversation with him. For him a quick exchange of information is enough. And he HATES being contradicted. He shuts down if I bring up an alternate point of view and it feels to me like we've just got the raquets out for a nice game of tennis and because I've returned his serve he storms off in huff saying he's not playing anymore. (Sorry Wimbledon is on at the moment - LOL). This completely invalidates my love language.
I also gained a big insight as to why I was eaten alive by jealousy when my first long term partner had an EA (which split us up) and this time when H had EA/PA it barely touched me. Previous partner and I spoke each other's love language big time, when he had EA he was switched on to her and no longer talking properly to me - result BIG LOSS and HUGE jealous feelings. This time around it barely felt like I lost anything.
His LL is acts of service. Now I know this doing stuff around the house no longer feels so much like a chore. He is reading 5LL now so hopefully he will understand my LL.
BTW I also spotted that S(4)'s LL is also acts of service which is why he acts so much like a baby and wants me to do everything for him. It used to annoy the hell out of me, but now I understand it's a way to show him I love him then I'll do it. Also he will speak the same LL back to me someday
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
