Feeling Hopeless...

[ann25]

SC - Thank you. i agree with everything you said about treating him like a child and asking for help. I apprecaite the examples.

Definitely teach him what you like. Make sure he knows exactly what you like.
My issue with sex isn't so much H knowing what i like, it's that i'm not attracted to him. Physically, he's not the type of guy i've ever been attracted to, but everything else about his personality made up for it. He was funny and sweet and so many other things that i just wanted to be with him. For the 18 months-2 years, sex has been something we just did to meet a physical need. At least for me, there is nothing else there. there was a long period where i couldn't even stand him touching me, so when i say i've gotten to the point where i can at least enjoy it... that's progress. I think i need my H back to really want him, not just sex.

He called you names ?? What did he call you ? The night before last, specifically, there was no actual name calling, but he does resort to that at times. When i said that i was thinking more in general not specifically that night cause monday night is was more of, why are you being such a b about everthing? Sometimes you are so dumb. stuff like that. I did pretty good at stopping him immediately and telling him that he can't talk to me like that, so he says "oh, sorry", but then he does it again later... I've taken a lot of that, i'm not taking it anymore.

Then earlier in the evening try saying "this laundry has to be done, & these dishes need to be done, which would you like to do?" if he says neither, say "okay, well, I'm sure by the time I do both of them, I'll be too tired for sex tonight, so don't bother asking me". He'll get the picture real fast.
I'm trying to start small, just to get him used to helping at all. He's been doing alot to unpack boxes. Mostly only his electronics and stuff, but he is helping and i appreciate anything i can get. I'm rarely actually too tired at the end of the night. It's more about how he treats me that makes me want/not want to have sex.

Remember, women have much more power than they even imagine. You have either forgotten how to use it, or you never learned before you married him. I think i never learned how to use it. I learned a lot about how to put up with crap from my mom. That's actually what brought me here, i started yelling. My mom yelled. She was always angry, i didn't want to be her. I was looking at a website to find out about getting a divorce and found something about a WAW and thought that was me. It lead me here and I've been here ever since. I grew up thinking that the way my dad treated my mom was just ok. I just want to break that cycle.

You just need to find it. I can help you, if you wantyes, please.

thanks so much!! ann