Mulesqb - Still alive and Kickin'

[mulesqb]

Hey guys - She was on roller coaster extremo today. She came to S10 game last night and then we went for dinner. She was having a lot of trouble listening to the boys at dinner so as soon as she finished eating she went home. When we got home she just wanted the boys in bed and disappeared to the basement. I went to bed at 10pm and felt good this morning...until she got up:

She started crying and was saying she can't keep going on like this. She is just existing and not living. She said she can't help her feelings and she really does not feel happy about anything in her life right now. She said she is trying with the kids but it is just not happening. She said she feels strange around me and has this pit in her stomach that hurts and burns. She also said that she is really not happy with her new job either. She said she is sad all the time and has to do something about it but she is scared to do that. She talked about separating again. I just tried to say nothing and validate. I didn't want to be in this conversation yet again. At one point she said she doesn't feel part of anything around the home. She said she feels very lonely. She says even though she recently stopped going to church she is praying a lot and feels very close to G@d. She said she likes her space and then starts to feel lonely.

I did ask her how therapy was going and she said that they were just discussing how to handle the kids in her current state and that her therapist just tells her it is ok to feel the way she is feeling and she has to be true to her feelings. I asked if they talked about her intense sadness yet and she said no.

I am very down again. I am trying to stay off the roller coaster, but how can I. She brings me in - pushes me away and then starts over again. It's very difficult to deal with. I don't know what to do anymore. I DB my a$$ off and nothing really changes. I thought we were getting along pretty well again and now she says she is tired of putting on a happy face. Honestly - i kind of feel like going dark right now because i can't take the constant hurt and feeling like we are making progress and then being slapped down to reality. Meanwhile her only complaints continue to be about the boys. I know I should be happy that I still spend a lot of time with her but it's just not the same anymore. Does anyone have any ideas. She cried a lot this morning - we actually hugged a few times. When I left she called with a pretty normal voice to tell me that S10 has a bbq at camp tonite and maybe we can all go. WTF?? She just told me she needs to separate again.