Along the lines of what Bagheera's saying, this is something that really helped me. It's hard for a man not to pull up all the things his wife has said that hurt. I talked about a few things in my thread--things my wife did and said over the years that really hurt me--and I was just as angry about them then as when they'd happened, years before.
But I've done a lot of reading since I started here. One thing that really made an impression on me in an otherwise so-so book was this idea:
Men often think women are dishonest, because a woman will say things she "doesn't really mean" or "can't really mean." Men also tend to think women are overly emotional, while men are logical. But that difference is mostly a difference of expression--women express truth based on emotions, and men express truth based on facts and reason. Not exclusively, of course, but that's how it's weighted. So the man thinks his wife was dishonest when she said "I will always love you no matter what!" last year, because this year she's decided there will be a unilateral freeze on lovemaking.
From the woman's point of view, what she said then was an expression of her feelings at that time, not objective fact. She was only expressing that she felt like she loved you so much that it would last forever. So, from her point of view, it was the truth, because she indisputably did feel that way at the time. The man heard a promise about the future because of her choice of words and because he would probably not have said anything about forever unless he meant "forever" in the objective sense.
From this viewpoint, when your wife said "I don't enjoy sex and I never will" what she was trying to do was to express her despair about sex at that moment. Saying she didn't enjoy sex wasn't a strong enough expression of her unhappiness, so she increased the intensity of the expression--and, she was probably also feeling worried that she really wouldn't ever enjoy sex again, so she expressed that fear. The fact that she expressed her fear as a factual statement is unfortunate because you, with a man's brain, evaluated it as a factual statement of objective truth--something that could be proven in a lab.
The point of all this psychobabble is that as soon as her feelings changed, those words no longer applied. The flux is constant. She meant it when she said it (probably) and would have sworn it was true. It was. But if things have changed between you, it need not be true now.
Don't do what I would do, which is to use these hurts as an excuse to believe she'll never change. If you can change, then she can change. It doesn't mean she will, but it proves that she can.
