2 steps forward, 3 back

[cat03]

hon, I'm sorry you left the board for a while because you were feeling umconfortable, but the truth is, there are stages in this hellish sitch in which we are just not able to understand or ready to hear what we must hear. When stbx just left in 05 I was in a support group and they kept telling me to let go, to detach and be myself.. inside I was just desperate and thinking "none of you understand! I can't live without him!" it took me a few months to really understand and to start to let go, don't feel bad about that HS)))))))

About the anti-D and what he thought about it, you and I know that the WAHs will use anything to excuse their behavior (you are too fat/thin/controlling/weak) If you don't see any improvements on anti-D then get it readjusted, not stay off them just because of him, this is about your health and how it will affect your life and the kids'. Make yourself a priority.

[quote] I was his 1950's wife except that I worked. I kept a good house for him. Apparently he didn't want me though.[quote]
I did the same when stbx came back in 06, I gave him my all ... the problem was, I gave so much and he gave so little, that's the problem with being with a selfish person hon, in a R you have to give and take, out H's are narcissist selfish people who only took from us and didn't give our M an honest chance to work.

Guess gf is trying to "buy" her affection and giving her extra time, no honest woman would stay with a still-M man without feeling guilty, so this is her way of "making it up" to d8. I know it bothers you hon, but it could be the other way, she could be cruel and mean to d8, that would really tear your heart. Don't try too hard either to out do her, do what you normally do with d8 and dont' ask her questions about what they did, my s9 caught me on that one time (I was asking d5 what they did that day) he was offended that I was nosing around in his dad's affairs (and s9 is more attached to me!). So please be very careful, kids are much smarter and aware than we think, they take in so much without us noticing.

It is very very hard to deal with the obsession, how many times I fought with stbx when he was with me about some things and asked all sort of things, or snooped after things went down hill? please try hard to control your thoughts, one thing that helped me was to understand that I didn't "own" H, that he was free to have his own life, that I was so much worth than just sitting there brooding about him, thinking about him/ow when they didnt' give more than a minute of their time thinking of me.
How much power you are giving her, him, over YOUR emotional well being? think of that hon, you are a wonderful woman who deserves much more than that.

About the legal stuff, what did the Ls said? is 50/50 fair taking in account how much you/him make? Don't give away ANYthing, there is no reason why he can claim the car as only his since it was bought when you two were married, it is unreasonable that he just put "dibs" on the car, BS, check with the L, unless he's giving up something else don't give it up. Stbx took the motorcycle he bought with our money as interest on the rest of $ I owe him for the house (I refinanced and gave him most of his share.)

Don't sign ANYthing until a L sees it, please trust me on this, I went through a legal separation a few months ago and things always come up, be very careful what you agree on.

His "just sign" statement smells like a rat, don't, ask for what you deserve by law.