I think one that worked with her is the fact that I kept saying I'm not going to fight with you anymore. When she would say something mean. I would say stop fighting with me. If she would text something mean while we were talking. I was text stop fighting with me, or I would say that is an old arguement and fighting words. I was real consistant with that.
It is the fact that she just wants to act like she is 16 now.
Last night when she came and hung out with us. She was telling my cousins daughter secrets. Asking her who she thought the geekiest one in the room was and stuff like that. Ended up being my son.
Then she sat in the other side of the pirate room in the rocking chair. She even laid down on the floor and put a blanket it one. In the past I would always cuddle up with her. Do you know how bad I wanted to cuddle up with her. I did that almost everday during WAW still at home stage. I just don't see this getting any easier with my cousin there. Maybe it made her feel more comfortable because I wasn't going to try and smother her since our cousin is there.
Who knows... Maybe she wanted me to smother her. I never felt like you loved me. blah, blah... Which is why I just want to hold and touch her. Plus the fact that every damn thing about her drives me nuts.
Well I think it was good that she sat on the other side of the room. She kept looking over at me, kind of staring. She has done that in the past during this mess. I just try and look straight.
I wonder what she is thinking? Do I love this man? Do I want to come home? Do I want to be single? Do I want to work at this?
I just feel like she is getting more and more distant.
Oh man do I love my insurance agent. She says I'll know what to do when the time comes. She said the speeding incident will not be known about because we are an existing customer, so nothing will be affected. Then she said we didn't have this conversation.
She said its sounds like your wife is growing up and trying to stretch her muscle. I said by acting like an idiot? She said yes a little onions(rebellion) goes a long way cooking the soup.
She said yes a little onions(rebellion) goes a long way cooking the soup.
Reminded me of something...
"A Wise Oak Was Once Just A Little Nut Who Stood His Ground"
Not really relevant here since old Phil is still too busy turning his ground into a mountain he can stand atop and preen.
It's just that the "nut" part reminded me of him...
Perhaps one day, though...
If he is meek.
Yo, Phil... "She" went "home" last Saturday. Not for good mind you because the bulldozer principal doesn't work here. But uninvited, unnannouncedand after not speaking for 6 weeks and it turned into a 5+ hour visit with dinner, etc...
When you believe (and even when you KNOW) that your wife is wrong...YOU seek humility - for yourself.
You will be amazed at what you can see.
When you sacrifice foolish pride.
Which you still have very much of.
Phil, do you know what the Word says about knowledge?
It says that people "perish" for a lack of it.
So what do you suppose happens when you take it in...when you apply and cultivate that knowledge?
Do you suppose the opposite happens if you're in possession of "knowledge" and using it properly?
I do believe it is relevant. I also believe I'm standing my ground with this board. I also believe I'm being grounded with her. I'm not waivering.
I still found your post confusing. This part anyways.
Quote:
Yo, Phil... "She" went "home" last Saturday. Not for good mind you because the bulldozer principal doesn't work here. But uninvited, unnannounced and after not speaking for 6 weeks and it turned into a 5+ hour visit with dinner, etc...
Is that someone else's sitch? Ok lets try and confuse me more. Establish boundries. Do not show up announced! She does anyways. I let it go the first 100 times. Then she acts like an idiot. I ask her to leave, then I tell her not to show up unnannouced. Two days in a row. Wanted me to take my kids to get ice cream at 9. Then the next day she is picking up a bike.
Now he doesn't have any bikes at my house. So when he wants to ride his bike what do I do now. He took both of his bikes to his grandparents.
FLUFF! She either wants to be home or she doesn't. She told me to get a clue she isn't coming home. So the next day she comes unannounced. To dump the kids. Because they are driving her crazy. Because she doesn't know how to handle them.
She played best friend buddy with them. She screams and yells at them. They laugh at her and do what they want. They stay up too late. etc... Because she lets them. Even last night my son came to me at midnight and said he was hungry. You feed him. One it's easier than hearing the whining.
She created this mess. She wouldn't let me parent. When she asked me to parent she immediately turned it against me making me look like a bad guy.
Now I pick up my kids. I deprogram them in about the first five minutes. Then the entire evening is wonderful.
With her it would be constant chaos.
I even gave the truth about that last night. D is tired take her home. Oh these kids stay up past midnight in the summer anyway. Yes and last summer all I did all evening was yell from the other room for them to keep it down because I was studying. I asked you to get them settled down. You would scream at them be quiet Daddy is trying to study. I already had them tuned out.
Amy, Iron sharpens Iron. So a friend sharpens a friend. -Proverbs 20:17
By the way, I may sound prideful on the board, but I'm really not. Today I'm experiencing joy. Did you ever think that maybe I want to be proven wrong? So then I can say. I was wrong, and I would. When I'm wrong, I'm wrong, and I will admit that I'm wrong. Then its over. Then she'll just focus on something else.
I'm trying to think if she ever admitted to me when she was wrong. Hmmmmmmmm. Nope, can't think of one single solitary incident. I'll let her be right. She's the queen. The queen is always right. I love the queen. The queen can be wrong, but still be right.
You are making a mistake trying to change the parenting dynamic while the union is in this current state.
You do your part - do it correctly - and don't rub her nose in it. And don't try to show her up or tell her what SHE does wrong. The woman can walk and talk. She can learn from your example. Which is all you are supposed to be right now.
You really have to stop focusing so much on her misdeeds and make sure you are toeing your own line. Perhaps you are not prideful in "real" life but you should examine just the same. If you come off here as prideful and you are quoting your interactions with her...how do you suppose she perceives you when in the midst of that interaction?
Phil, what you MEAN and how you mean to GET IT ACROSS is not the point, it is HOW YOU ARE PERCEIVED. And telling her, or any of us, that we are wrong doesn't do anything to fix the problem. The burden is ON YOU to convey the message in a better way.
"Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all your getting get understanding" Proverbs 4:7
That was my sitch to which I referred based on a statement you made to me a while back.
The owl visted my yard last night. Woke me up hooting. I was like dang it, I just need to sleep. The night before was so rough with sleep. Kept thinking someone was outside my house going to throw rocks through the windows again. Dogs barking. Just when I dozed off at 4 AM my cousins little girl woke up crying for her dad. I had to get up to wake him up. I didn't want her to be scared.
Last night I went to be about 12 and feel asleep. Around 3 the owl visited. He hasn't been around for some time. He was around in the spring during WAW still at home stage and he left. I prayed that he would leave in the spring. Because it would freak me out.
Last night though I felt calm that he was there hooting softly. The owl of wisdom. Seems like a coincendance from what your talks are about. I don't believe in the pagan ideology of the owl, but it was interesting.
I'm a little bit distraught about last night. I missed a call from her on my cell. No voice mail. Was it the kids? What did she want? She didn't try the house. No texts sent. I didn't call back. Now will she throw it in my face that I didn't try and contact the kids. Did she even have the kids? What was weird was that my cousin was driving me nuts asking me where I was at. Was she contacting him? Those two used to talk. Now that he is at my house. I do believe it is a little too close for comfort. I told him not to try and track me down if I'm not home. I don't answer to him. I didn't have my kids. Nothing more than I hate is a text asking me where r u? Are you home? etc... I don't like providing this information. Because in the past I have tried to hook up with him to do things and it was always I have to do this or that. Even now he runs over his house does things and brings the kids over.
Looks like she zapped back up to the mother ship again.
Otherwise you will stay frazzled and that is the work of the enemy because it keeps you from hearing the voice of God and experiencing His works/guidance in your life. The enemy is working through your wife and wearing you down because it YOU that stands in his way of destroying your family unit. The only way to win is for you to rest and refire. If you want to do THAT, make HIM your priority.
Then everything else will follow. It has no choice.
Because when you are strong enough in the proper areas and humbled in the others, you're going to claim it with the Power that nothing can stand up against. It'll try. But it will never win.
