trying to keep this a "Happy" thread please

[Dawn of Hope]

even if your husband came home tomorrow could you honestly say you are the very best person you can be. can you really forgive him?

I haven't been at this as long as many on this board have (about 10 months for me), but my ears perked up at this question. My H is actually still at home, but barely interacts with me at all, even though we still sleep in the same bed. Basically nothing more than a minimal standard of politeness, a couple of sentences of conversation a day, and that's it. I have been struggling tremendously with the question of whether or not I can forgive him. At the moment it doesn't seem to be an issue, because he has expressed ZERO remorse or guilt for his ongoing affair, but I know that if my M is ever to work again, I will have to learn to forgive him and get past what he has done and is doing. I wish somebody would tell me how to do that.

As for being the very best person I can be...well, I'm not there yet, but I'm definitely 1000% better than I was before all of this came down the pike. I have changed for the better in so many ways that I don't think I can even list them all. I am a much more whole person than I was a year ago, despite the fact that what my H has done came within a hair of breaking me completely (long-standing suicidal depression, now under control). I thought I couldn't be happy or survive without H, and I have discovered slowly that I am sufficient unto myself, although I do still need friends and so on. Right now the only benefit I'm getting from H is financial, unless you count the occasional things he fixes around the house (which is helpful, but not a major factor). Everything else I take care of myself or get from friends, and I'm working on becoming financially self-sufficient. I'm infinitely stronger, more compassionate, more independent, more patient, less bothered by the small stuff, and less judgmental. I have WAY more self-esteem and self-respect. I am accomplishing things that I have struggled with for years and years. I am GAL, trying things that are new to me or that I haven't done in a long time. I am becoming more social, and even going to gatherings where I know no one, which is a major 180 for me. These are the silver linings to the horrendous storm.

I do still have plenty more work to do on myself, but I'm not even on the same planet that I was before.

I would welcome your wisdom in advising on my sitch if you have time, especially Happy and those who have been around for a while. I cannot promise to take all advice given, but I will certainly consider it carefully.

Peace,
Dawn