Gosh, Buster, you are turning into your W's father!!! This sitch reminds me of a parent trying to keep their daughter from dating another boy or having him in the house.
Do not contact social services. Talk with a lawyer.
You asked me in an earlier post what do I consider the "end." To me, the end of a marriage is when it's finalized. Then the marriage is over. Other people have different ideas of what the end is. Some people figure the end is when they announce they want a divorce. I think your W feels this way. She sees the marriage as over, and so far you are still doing things that are making her angry and even more determined to divorce you.
I have to leave for Jacksonville tomorrow so I'll be gone for a week and won't have a chance to keep up with your sitch. Good luck. I wish you'd try to detach, but I've come to realize that not everyone can.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
root, mark is telling me to contact social services, you're telling me not to. I can't listen to everyone.....you guys need to get together and sort this out I'm not having trouble detaching, I just don't want (and don't think its morally right) to have OM in MY house against MY wishes. my son shouldn't have to tolerate that whether he's old enough to know or not. I am speaking with a lawyer before I move back in or call anyone.
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
I can't listen to everyone. I'm taking advice from PDT and Mark because they've been through this crap, and have been with me since thread 1, post 1. That's not to say I don't appreciate your input, as well as everyone else's.......PDT is more guerilla while Mark is more logical.
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
apparently some (most) people here think that by moving back into my house, my wife will realize i'm not a wimp and that I stood my ground and fought for what I believe is a bad situation. She keeps telling me she doesn't want to be with me, she wants to be with OM, she loves him, etc. end of story. I've been nice to her up until today. Now she is getting the cold shoulder. Just because I won't give her a divorce doesn't mean I'm sitting around hoping she comes back. It isn't like that. The Task at hand has changed 3 times since i started coming here. We started at 1)help me change her mind to 2)help me slow down divorce proceedings to 3) help me keep OM out of my house and property. My wife has, in the past 2 months, cheated on me at home and abroad, said she hated me with every bone in her body, hit me in the face, told me she doesn't love me anymore, told me she wished I'd die, and told me she regrets having a son with me. Do I believe any of these statements? no. why? because she is angry that everyone and their mother (including her mother) is on my side, and thinks she is making a mistake. they know i'm a good guy and father most importantly. Does she care what people think ? no. why ? because she's brainwashed into thinking OM is the be all/end all to her life's problems. I have news for her. it didn't work the first time for a reason. We'll see it again. Does that mean I should just call it quits and give her a divorce ? no. my choices are : 1)give her a divorce and have her treat me like [censored] 2)don't give her a divorce and have her treat me like [censored]. which is better in your opinion ? we have to put up with each other for the rest of our lives. If you know the answer to how I get her to come back to me, please enlighten me.
Last edited by buster80; 07/30/0806:45 AM.
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
I hired a lawyer, major step 1. everyone on both sides of the family are telling me i'm stupid and to just file for D. why haven't I ? because they haven't been through what I have. everyone on here HAS. I'm trying to read all the advice and cull the best from it all. My wife wanted a divorce whether I moved out or not, caught her cheating or not, went to counseling and changed myself/GAL or not.
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
now Mark and PDT are telling me to move back into my house, which will dampen OM's ability to be there. what does that solve ? my son won't have to succumb to that environment. but my wife would flip her lid if i moved in and hate me more. do I care anymore ? no. why ? because it isn't about her and I anymore. she's screwing with our son's living situation/environment. she is so narcissistic that she doesn't care if another guy is in our bed when our son wakes up or not.
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
i hope you have time to respond before you leave for Jacksonville root. do you suggest I give her a divorce, move on with life and if she comes back, she comes back, if not, so be it ?
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
(((Buster))) So sorry this is whats happening to your family right now.
FWIW, don't listen to a word she says. She is angry, confused and looking for someone to blame for her problems and you are it. No matter what you say or do, she is going to blame you for everything and thats just how it is. Get used to it. Just because she says it though, doesn't make it true, its just what she has to tell herself to justify her actions.
In my opinion if you really don't want OM around your son, move back into your home immediately. If W wants to leave, let her, but I wouldn't let her take your son and you don't have to. If I hadn't been through the stuff I've gone through in the last 9 months, I would tell you to file too. Its easy, its clean and you can move on, but if that isn't what you want. If you still want to fight, then you need to be in it for the long haul.
You have to put out one fire at a time with WAS. The big picture is saving the M, the middle picture is the end of the A, the right now is how to keep OM away from your son. Deal with what you can right now. You can't change the end yet, not in 1 day. So do what you can today.
Just wanted to give you my $.02. You are in very capable hands, but I just wanted to give you a different perspective. Take care.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
i have loved this woman for 10 years S&S. and maybe she hasn't felt that way about me, but for 10 years she has felt a spark. I didn't pay enough attention to her so she decided to bail. I"m in the wrong too. but I don't want to quit. 10 years of knowing her and loving her is too much to throw away.
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
I'm not having trouble detaching, I just don't want (and don't think its morally right) to have OM in MY house against MY wishes. my son shouldn't have to tolerate that whether he's old enough to know or not. I am speaking with a lawyer before I move back in or call anyone.