For the Guy with Kids and a WW 8

[Sugar and Spice]

A good friend will empathize with you about something. A true friend will tell you something that you may or may not want to hear.

That is so true. I am a firm believer in honesty, even when it hurts. I would rather hear the harsh truth than have someone think something and because they are afraid to hurt my feelings, not tell me what I desperately NEED to hear.

I think Puppy started a thread on what we would have done different. That question is not fair. It's not fair knowing what the outcome is in advance. The question has to be more like,

"What would you have done different assuming you still did not know the outcome of your sitch and still wanted to achieve the goal of reconciling with your spouse?"

The question gets a lot harder. I think a lot of people were saying how they would have done something totally different.

H4H, fair is pretty much a moot point for any of us. What would you have done differently may not be a fair question, but I think it might be valuable to those that are new to this. There are things that I would have done differently now either way. Do I think it would have changed things? Of course, but I also wouldn't have gone as far as I have. If I had this all to do again, I would have stuck to my original statement to H. I told him to get his stuff and be gone by the time I got home. If I were to do it over, when he asked me, "Are you sure?" The answer would be, "yes." because I feel if I had set clear boundaries from the get go, it might not have gotten this bad.

The flip side, because of the addiction, it may not have mattered. This is not truly about any of us (LBS). So our actions or reactions really might not have done much to change anything situationally, but it might have made some of us feel better sooner.

Aside from me not feeling good, should I have accepted the invite and gone?

Personally? No, I don't think that you should have to put your physical health on hold. I think you did the right thing by staying home. It might have been a good little lesson for GBG. Is it different that you are thinking of yourself for a change? 180?

Should I accept invites to stuff like that in the future? IF it happens. Where all of us are together.

I would say yes to this. If its something you want to do and are comfortable with, why not? Just like me, you are going to have to learn to co-parent your kids with her while she is in the apartment. H has been gone for 7 months now and it was really hard at first, but it gets easier. Go to the things that you WANT to go to, that will be fun and good for your kids and you. I go to all of DS's sports because I love to watch my son play. You couldn't keep me away. DD's too. No matter what happens, that is just a given. My decisions don't hinge on H anymore, its about me and the kids. I show up for them and so does he, you just get used to it. Does it hurt? A lot at first, but it gets easier.

(((H4H))) This just sucks so damn much and I'm so sorry you and your kids have to go through this. Your a good dad and you don't need a judge to tell you that. Your love for your kids comes through loud and clear in your posts. Take care of you and do the best you can...thats all any of us can do.